My Samuel
by i.live.for.twilight
Summary: Bella never jumps, Alice never sees, Edward keeps himself away and Jacob takes his chance. Happily ever after?
1. Prologue

Prologue

It has been eight years since he left and four since...but I cannot bring myself to think of it. My non-existent heart is torn to shreds and my veins flow with the fresh blood that shows in my eyes. I don't want this, but there is nothing else for me. No Edward. No Jacob. No Samuel. Nothing to love.


	2. Protecting You

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine.

Chapter One: Protecting You

One year. One year today. One year since he had stopped loving me and took away everything I had ever wanted. Took away my life, my love, my family. Six months since I had found my sun. Four months since I had discovered his secret. Two months since he said he loved me. One month since I had said I loved him too and gave him my whole being. And now...one month pregnant. I was going to tell him today. I believed in myself. I could do it...piece of cake right?

"Bella?"

I jumped, not expecting to hear his husky voice rumble through my house this early in the day. I found myself panicking. I wasn't ready. Heck, I wasn't even dressed. Like that mattered anymore, I thought with a derisive snort. He was supposed to be out on patrol, not downstairs, wait, on his way upstairs. Oh no. Tears were beginning to form in my eyes. What do I say?

"Bella?" Jacob repeated.

My door swung open and his hulking form filled the frame. I took a moment to admire him. He really was beautiful with his russet skin and shaggy, growing black hair. I found myself wishing my baby would look just like him, gorgeous. The thought caught me off guard and the threatening tears spilled over. Stupid, beautiful werewolf.

His eyes filled with worry and, was that fear or anger? Shrugging through the doorway he sat on the edge of my bed, causing it to sink another couple inches towards the floor, and wrapped me in his overly warm embrace. I felt his lips press a kiss against my hair as I let out a hopeless sob.

"Bella? What is it? It's okay. Shhh. I got you."

Oh how stupid could I be? He loved me, he wouldn't leave me no matter how broken I was. I would just tell him and deal with the consequences. But what if he did leave? Another sob escaped me and his grip tightened as he pulled me, blankets and all, into his lap, cradling me like a small child. He would be such a good father. Woah, Bella. Take it easy. You have to tell him first. I took a deep breath. Jake seemed to notice and released me slightly, but I clung to him and buried my face in his shoulder.

"Jake?"

"Yes, Bella?"

I forced myself to breath, "Jake I...um...I..."

"What is it, Bella?" his face crumpled into a frown.

I reached up to smooth away the lines that had appeared on his face. One more breath, "Jake, I have to tell you something, but I'm afraid you'll leave. I can't be alone, especially now."

I was proud I made it through that little speech and my voice only broke twice. Jake's face on the other hand immediately darkened, thinking of...never mind, but then became confused. "Bella you know I love you. I'm not going anywhere."

My eyes filled with tears again, but I managed to hold them back. Was it possible that my hormones were already affected? Geez.

"Promise?"

"Of course, Bella. I promise."

I took another deep, purifying breath and let it out slowly. Ok...go time.

"Jake...um...I, uh...I'm...I'm...I'm pregnant."

Silence is one of the worst parts of my life. In the silence my mind plays images behind my eyes. Images I'd rather not see again. Jacob's silence was different, it was usually comfortable, happy, but it was different this time and it made me fearful. I watched his face carefully, ready to move, to protect myself, my baby, in case he began to shake. Jacob's expression was completely blank, his mouth hanging open in shock.

I was suddenly afraid. I slipped out of his embrace and scooted to the far end of the bed, subconsciously wrapping one arm around my chest to keep it from flying apart, and the other found its way around my lower belly. He still sat there, staring at the empty space where I had sat moments before, his arms slack by his knees. I wanted nothing more than to reach out to him, but I knew that he would only push me away now.

I buried my face in my arms, not wanting to face him, wishing he would just say the words and leave, get it over with. The traitor tears I'd been holding back silently began their descent. I sat there, pushed against the headboard, for what seemed like hours, but could only have been minutes. I heard him shift and I could feel his eyes on my trembling body. Wait – trembling? Did that mean Jake was angry? I forced myself to look at him, right into his fathomless brown eyes. He held me in his gaze for a moment and I lost my train of thought. Oh, right – what was that shaking? To my complete amazement Jacob was utterly still. Oh, that must mean I am the one shaking. As if he found my obvious assessment and consequent shock amusing, Jacob broke into a grin – not the bitter, mocking one I had become accustomed to lately, no – it was my favourite sunshine-from-behind-the-clouds smile.

"You're going to have a baby?" His voice was still soft, and wistful? What the heck?

"Um...yes." I was confused to say the least. Was he mocking me? What the...

My train of thought was lost once again as Jacob leapt across the bed at me. For a split second I was frightened, but then his arms were around me and he was kissing me with so much passion that even my negative conscience couldn't deny his happiness in this moment. But I was still confused. Pulling myself away from Jake in that moment was extremely difficult – not only because he was freakishly strong, but also because I wanted so badly to let reality slip away. But pull away I did, and planting my hands firmly on his chest, I pushed myself far enough away to look him full in the face.

"Wait...what the heck?" I voiced my earlier thoughts.

Jacob looked as confused as I felt now, "What do you mean?"

I took yet another deep breath, "I really don't understand...what is going through your head."

"My head," Jacob paused, "is going to explode shortly, but other than that I am so impossibly, unexplainably happy that I can't even put it into words. A baby, Bella! A baby with you! I can't even...wow!"

Yep, it was official. I had gone crazy. There was no possible way Jake was reacting like this. No possible way he could be happy.

"Are you serious, Jacob? How could you possibly be excited about this? How could you possibly want to have a baby with me? How...how..."

The waterworks started up again. Dumb hormones.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay. I've got you. I've got this. I've got us. Everything will be fine. I love you. We can do this."

My tears slowed and I stared up at him in awe, "Really, Jake?"

"Sure, sure. Really, really. Of course we can do this. We have a family who loves us and we love each other..."

I had stopped listening after the word 'family' came out of Jacob's mouth. Oh crap...Charlie. That scared me more than anything.

"Bella? Bella, what is it?"

Another purifying breath, "We still have to tell Charlie."

I felt Jacob stiffen, probably not from fear of my father, but rather fear of what his pack would think, what Billy would say, but I was a little too preoccupied to worry about them right now. I had bigger fish to fry.


	3. Samuel Laine

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine.

Chapter Two: Samuel Laine

8 months later...

"Come on, baby. You can do it! Push!"

Jacob was kind of getting annoying repeating his mantra. Yes I could do it, I knew that. Geez. Oh, here comes another one.

As the contraction gripped me I suddenly had a random wish: that Esme was there. But those thoughts were not allowed, ever. So I pushed it away before Jacob could see that pain in my eyes. I concentrated on pushing. I wanted so much to meet my child.

"Just a one more push, deary, I can see the head now!" Doctor Snow said with some excitement evident in his voice.

Huh, you'd think after delivering however many babies that he wouldn't get excited anymore. I know I was excited, and Jacob was practically vibrating. I could tell by the way his hand shook as he held my own. My mother was on my other side, squeezing my hand back occasionally and allowing me to hold hers tightly. An amazing thing, hands. I couldn't wait to see my baby's hands. I bet they'd be beautiful hands, long and graceful like their father's, hopefully just as useful too. Oh, crap, here comes another one. Ok, baby. We can do this.

I pushed with all my might and I felt my child leaving the womb. I was weak, somewhat faint, but so incredibly happy as the doctor shouted, "It's a boy!" and Jacob pressed a kiss to my forehead.

As the nurses cleaned my little boy I could hear him howling. Hmm...just like his dad already, I thought with a smirk. This did not go unnoticed by my Jacob, "And what are you smirking about, ?"

"Just thinking how much he sounds like you already." I replied

Jacob's smile faltered for a spilt second as he look wistfully towards the area where the nurses were now wrapping my little one in a blue blanket, but then he was grinning like an idiot again as he turned back to me.

"So, Bella, what shall you name him?"

I hesitated, unsure if I would offend, "I was thinking, um, Samuel Laine Black."

If possible Jacob's grin grew even wider, "I love it. It's absolutely perfect."

A nurse appeared at my side holding my baby boy, "Would you like to say hello to your momma?" she cooed to the newest member of my world.

With a smile she handed me the bundle, showing me how to hold his head up. As if I didn't know how to hold a baby, please. But all thoughts of the nurse and everything else disappeared as soon as I looked into his eyes. In that moment I felt my heart begin to beat fast. He was perfect, a complete miniature of his daddy. Thick, black hair already covered his small head and his skin was already taking on the russet colour that I loved so much. But much more than that, his eyes bored into mine, like he knew me, like he already loved me. I knew without a doubt that I already loved him and in that moment I felt my heart grow and swell. All the holes that had been carved in until I resembled Swiss cheese were now overflowing with love, being filled with the absolute and never ending devotion that I now had for my son.

The moment I thought was perfect was completed when Jacob leaned down and planted another kiss on my cheek and then turned to his son and gently placed an adoring kiss on his forehead. I handed little Samuel to his father and he took him to stand by the window, whispering stories to him and telling him how much he loved him. I smiled wanly as the Doctor came back into the room.

"Well, Ms. Swan," he said quietly, "congratulations. I just wanted to do a quick check up with you and then the nurse will come in and clean up a bit. How are you feeling?"

"I'm perfectly happy. I feel great, just tired." I said with a genuine smile.

"That is good to hear. You do need to get your sleep, but before you do I would like you to try breastfeeding little Samuel here."

"Of course, Doctor."

"Good, good. Well I will be going now. Congratulations again."

"Thank you, Doctor, for everything."

"Yes, thank you," Jacob interrupted.

"It has been my pleasure. Have a good rest Ms. Swan, you will need it." He said, backing out the door.

Jacob approached the bed again. I held out my arms for Samuel. I was already addicted. Jake carefully handed him to me, afraid of breaking him probably, and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I was so filled with love as I looked down into my son's face yet again that I couldn't see anyone else, couldn't see anything but him, which is probably why I didn't hear our family and friends come into the room until Emily asked me what his name was.

I looked up, surprised to see the whole pack, my mom, dad, and Billy squished into the delivery room. I was suddenly shy and feeling more than a little protective of my precious bundle, but I finally found my voice, "Samuel Laine Black," I whispered looking from him, to Jacob, to Sam who stood with his arm wrapped around Emily's own expanding waistline. His grin was enormous, and Emily looked just as happy. The whole group busted into talk, admiring the 'strong name', how cute he was, how he would be the fastest runner ever, how much they loved him already. Samuel was passed from person to person until, finally, he was back in my arms. I breathed a sigh of relief as I held him once again. He opened his eyes slightly as if to say, 'ok, enough now, how about we all get some shut eye. geez.'

I laughed lightly, feeling completely euphoric. I felt my eyelids beginning to droop and everyone else seemed to notice how tired I was because they all cleared out about 10 seconds later claiming they were going out to celebrate. I personally think it had something to do with the way Jacob looked at them all, but I was glad when they were gone and I could rest my head against the pillows and close my eyes.

"I love you."

I opened my eyes to see Jacob watching me. I smiled as big as I could muster, "I love you, too."

"He's so beautiful," he whispered.

"Just like his daddy," I replied.

Jacob scoffed, "I think you might have had a small part in it."

I raised an eyebrow, "Just a small part, eh?"

Jake laughed and I marvelled at the sound of it as I joined in. Oh how much I loved him. Oh how much I loved my son. My sunshine. My Samuel.

Author's Note: Thanks to those of you who have reviewed already. What started out as a dust bunny quickly emerged into this. Now I am obsessed. Enjoy.


	4. Small Packages are Blessings

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine.

Author's Note: FYI for my sake and for the sake of not dragging this story out there will be a lot of time skipping. So...

**Chapter Four: Small Packages are Blessings**

1 year later

One year. One year since my heart truly began to heal. One year since my Samuel came into this world.

Lying in my bed I thought how ironic it was that I had been thinking the same thing just 1 year and 9 months ago. By then it had been one year since Ed- he left. I still mentally stumbled over his name even though it had been more than two years since he had left and even though I was completely happy. Sometimes I wonder how he is, if he is enjoying his 'distractions', and then I wonder how my almost-family is, if they are all still so in love, if they ever think about me, if Alice ever sees me. Sometimes I hope she does so that she can see how happy I am, but then I hope she doesn't because for some reason I think they will believe I have completely left them behind. And that is just not the case, because even though I have a new life, a new love, and a son who I adore more and more every day, I can never forget the Cullens because they were the ones who opened my eyes to this impossible life. And if it weren't for them I would probably not have a life period right now. First they saved me from James and because of who they are I found out about Jacob – something that never would have happened if I didn't already know about the world of mythical creatures.

And so, on little Sam's first birthday I feel like I have come a long way. From being small, vulnerable, little Bella who needed the protection of seven vampires I have become a strong, independent, woman, wife and mother. I know now that I am not weak and that I can do this. I can live life without eternity.

My reminiscing and conclusions were interrupted by a sudden cry from the baby monitor. I grabbed my housecoat and raced into it while I ran towards Samuel's nursery. When I walked in he immediately stopped fussing and held out his arms to be picked up. I felt my face break into a smile – I was such a sucker.

Picking him up, I couldn't help but hold him very close for a moment and breath in his baby powder smell. I thought he smelled good all the time – even if he had just left me the biggest present ever in his diaper – Jacob said it must be a mom thing. I smiled into his hair, which was almost long enough to hold a ponytail, and whispered, "Happy Birthday, my Samuel. Mommy loves you."

"And so does Daddy."

I jumped. I hadn't realized Jacob had been in the house at all. I turned to look at him. His chest was bare and he was wearing nothing but sweatpants. He must have just come off of patrol. I smiled again, "Hey, babe."

He returned the smile, "Hi, beautiful. How's our little man this morning?"

"He's perfect, and he smells good too."

Jacob chuckled as he walked up and scooped Sam out of my arms, only to toss him into the air. Delighted giggles filled the room as Sam took full advantage of Jake's light heartedness. I couldn't help allowing a feeling of complete happiness and contentment fill my soul, I had everything I ever needed, everything I ever wanted, even if I didn't know I wanted to it.

"You hungry?" I asked Jake.

"Of course," he laughed.

I smiled once more and made my way down to the kitchen while Jacob continued to play with Sam. As I cracked the eggs into the frying pan, I started thinking about the day me and Jake made it official. Yep, the day we got hitched.

_FLASHBACK_

_I grinned nervously at Renee's reflection as she smoothed my hair and dress, made sure my make up was perfect. I was freaking out inside. The last time I had even thought about marriage was when I was still daydreaming about Ed- no, not today, Bella, I thought firmly. I looked in the mirror again. I had to admit I looked pretty good. Not an Alice creation, but still._

"_Are you ready, honey?" Renee asked._

_I could hear the concern in her voice, but I was ready for this. So ready. I wanted Jacob and I wanted to be his forever, however long that happened to be, and I wanted to be a family, officially. Me, Jacob, and our Samuel forever._

_I smiled and took a deep breath. A sudden calm overcame me and I knew that I could do this. Stepping down from the stool I pushed my dress out of the way and walked towards the door, knowing Charlie was waiting for me on the other side. I felt a hand on my arm and turned to my mother, knowing she was still worried. _

"_It's okay, mom. I'm okay now. I'm ready for this. I want this, I need it."_

_Her smile faltered for a moment as she took in my determined expression, but then her eyes filled with tears and she leaned forward to hug me, "I love you, Bella, forever."_

"_I love you too, Mom, forever and ever."_

_She pulled away and smiled, pure joy, no fear, no worry. I smiled too and pulled the door open. As predicted Charlie waited on the other side, wringing his hands. I knew he loved Jacob, so I don't know what he was so worried about. _

"_Hey, Dad," I said cautiously._

_He studied me for a moment, taking in my dress, hair, makeup and my expression. He seemed surprised by the determination he saw there and looked to Renee quickly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her smile reassuringly at him. He turned back to me, the check couldn't have taken more than five seconds, and smiled, "You look beautiful, Bella."_

_I smiled again, my face was going to hurt by the end of today, "Thanks, daddy."_

_His smile faltered for a moment, just like mom's had earlier, and then it was replaced by a small grimace, "Are you sure, Bells? Like really, really sure?"_

_I felt my own smile fade for a moment. I knew exactly why Charlie was asking me, but I also knew that it was time for me to move on and start over, with Jacob and with Samuel. There was no way for me to go back, to correct it all. Now I would start fresh and love someone again. I was ready. I could do this._

"_I am more sure of this than anything else, dad. I love him and I love Sam and I want us to be a family, a proper family. I'm ready," I assured him while I offered him my arm._

_He smiled and took my hand into the crook of his arm, holding it there; as if afraid I would run away now that I had my decision. But, like Charlie knew, I was a constant little thing and once my mind was made almost nothing changed it._

_My mom walked in before me, I had decided against bridesmaids, and all of our family waited in the small church on the La Push reservation. As the wedding march started, my mom took her place opposite Sam, who was holding our Samuel, and my eyes turned towards Jacob. The moment my eyes met his I couldn't look away. On his face was the biggest grin possible and I knew that if I could see myself, my face would mirror his. _

_Surprisingly, I didn't trip on my way up the aisle, but maybe it was just because of Charlie's death grip. By the time we finally reached Jake, all I wanted to do was jump into his arms and hold him forever. Charlie finally released his hold on me and turned me towards him. He slowly pushed my veil out of the way and leaned forward to give me the customary kiss on the cheek, "Love you, Bells," he whispered. _

_I felt tears form in my eyes, "Love you too, daddy."_

_He smiled and placed my hand in Jacob's. I turned to my soon to be husband and was met with my favourite smile. I couldn't help but let a few of the tears spill over. Jake chuckled slightly and reached up to push them away with the pads of his thumbs, "Don't cry, baby, I love you."_

"_I love you too, Jake."_

_The next half hour blurred by. We said our vows, our I dos' and signed the marriage license. The next thing I knew was the priest saying, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."_

_Jacob grinned and leaned into me, but before I could respond I was swept off my feet bridal style and the way he was kissing me should have been illegal._

_The whole church burst into applause and wolf whistles, big shocker there. When he finally let me breath, I was red in the face and tears were once again streaming down my face. Instead of putting me down, Jacob grinned mischievously and ran as fast as he could down the aisle with me still his arms. I laughed the whole way and once we were outside in the snow he spun me around and around, laughing joyously._

_The rest of the night was spent at the biggest house on the reserve, Paul's, and we ate, laughed and spoiled little Sam and little Emily rotten. The rest of the night was beautiful, ending with just me and Jacob camped out on First Beach._

_END_

"Hey, baby, you seem pretty deep in thought."

Jacob's voice caused me to jump, but when I turned around the sight of him holding little Jake in a t-shirt that says, "My mommy is pretty" my heart melted. I laughed at the shirt, "Jake, it's his birthday, where's his Birthday Boy t-shirt?"

"In the wash, he had a bit of an episode," Jake shrugged.

"Oh, ok, but can't you just put him in something else?"

"Sorry, babe, no can do, he picked this one out himself."

I laughed helplessly and went back to making breakfast.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Everyone stopped by and left Samuel presents and gave him kisses. By the time 8 o'clock rolled around he was sound asleep and was most likely not going to wake up at all tonight. I took him from Jake's arms and carried him upstairs to the nursery.

"Goodnight, baby. Happy Birthday. I love you, my Samuel."


	5. Happy Birthday Cake

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine.

**Chapter 4: Happy Birthday Cake**

_2 years later_

Three years! My baby was three years old today! My little orb of sunshine was almost officially old enough to go to school, to ride a bike with training wheels, to have a crush on a girl in his daycare class, and to hint at the werewolf he would become.

I watched through the kitchen window as Sam and Jake played tag in the front yard. Jacob lagged behind, dragging his feet and panting like it was a huge effort to chase his mini me, as Sam screamed with excitement and ran as fast as chubby three-year-old legs could carry him. Both of their faces were filled with pure joy and I couldn't help but laugh at their antics. Still smiling, I turned away to finish preparing Sam's birthday cake, knowing full well that every other werewolf, imprint, and family member would be descending upon our house within minutes to enjoy a huge bonfire in the back yard followed by cake and ice cream, and Sam's favourite, presents!

As I put the finishing touches on the cake with a small wolf in the icing I couldn't help but think of how much my son had helped me heal over the last four years. Without him I don't think I could have gone on, even with Jacob. He was truly a gift from whatever kind of God decided to mess with my life. Thank whatever God that was that some fairy tales have alternate endings. I had found my alternate ending, and I like to think that I was just as happy as I would have been with Ed- him.

Pathetic, I know. I still can't even think his name. I try not to think of them at all if possible. I don't know why I'm even thinking of them today, especially today. Oh, who am I kidding, of course I'm thinking of them today. Of course, I want them to know how happy I am, but how I continue to die a little more every time I think of them turning their backs on me.

"Momma?"

I turned around to find my little Samuel straining towards me from his perch in Jacob's arms. I tried to shake away my previous thoughts and graced him with my best smile, "There's my baby boy!"

"I'm not baby!" he insisted.

I pretended shock, "Oh my, that's right! You're a big boy now! Three years old!"

His answering grin immediately banished all former thoughts, but when I happened to meet Jake's eyes he was searching my face. I know he saw the pain there. I try not to let it show through too often, but when it does Jacob always knows.

"Momma, catch me!"

I reacted just fast enough to catch Sam as he leapt from Jake's arms. As I lifted him and tossed him lightly into the air he giggled, and I couldn't help but laugh too. I pulled him close and he wrapped his arms around my neck, hugging me hard, "Love you, momma."

Tears sprang to my eyes. Wait – what? Tears? Oh well, "I love you, too, baby."

He allowed me to call him baby this time and then I was startled by a loud squeal in my ear, "CAKE!"

Jacob chuckled while I carried Sam over to inspect his birthday cake. He laughed delightedly at the little icing wolf and asked where the candles were, "They're in the cupboard, baby. Don't worry, momma didn't forget."

A knock sounded on the door and I sighed. I wished I could keep this day just as it was, just the three of us, but I knew I couldn't keep the wolves at bay. Literally. Jacob chuckled at my expression and went to answer the door.

The house was immediately filled to the max with six full grown wolves and their mates and children, as well as Billy, and Charlie and Sue. We pretty much moved the party outside right away, it was too nice a day to stay inside anyway. The rain had decided to stop for once and the sun shone down on our little party. As Sam ran out ahead of me, chasing after his namesake, I couldn't help but admire the way the sun kissed his long, black hair and his naturally tanned skin. Again tears filled my eyes. What the heck? Why was I so emotional? It was Sam's birthday, a happy day, I shouldn't be crying for goodness sakes. I mean I- then it hit me.

Me and Jacob had been trying for another baby, maybe I was – wait, I can't get too excited, but that would explain why I had almost puked at the smell of honey this morning and why my boobs hurt and why i was so emotional.

I hadn't realized I'd been standing in the middle of the yard, eyes glazed over, until Jacob moved towards me. My eyes connected with his and I felt an impossible joy at the thought of another child, maybe a girl this time, another child with him.

"Everything okay, Bells?"

I decided not to tell him yet, I wanted to be sure first. I smiled at him, trying to communicate how happy I was, "Everything is perfect," I whispered.

He looked at me strangely, but then pulled me into his warm embrace, "I love you," he said simply.

"I love you, too, Jake," I paused, "I'm gonna run inside for a bit, I'll be back in a few, k?"

"Sound good," he paused too, "should I be worried?"

I laughed lightly, "Of course not, I just gotta take care of some last minute birthday things."

I gave him a light kiss on his lips and turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into him again. I squeaked lightly as his lips found mine again and I felt him smile. I returned his kiss as he deepened it. I was getting intense, until "Oi! Get a room you two!"

Jake pulled away from me with a huge smile on his face and turned to Embry who sat with his arm wrapped around his littlest daughter, Grace, "Oh, you're just jealous, Embry."

Embry laughed and shook his head, "Whatever, Jake."

Jake smiled at me again and turned to join the party as I made my way back into the house, heading straight for the cupboard under the bathroom sink. I had to know, and I had to know now. I pulled out the little box and made sure the bathroom door was closed. After peeing on the little stick and waiting the ten minutes it was ready.

I took a deep breath and picked the little stick up off the counter gingerly. Another deep breath and I looked one more time at the instructions: pink for positive and blue for negative. One more breath. I looked. It was pink.

In that moment I can't even describe how I felt. Happiness consumed me but at the same time I was crushed. I can't explain the crushing feeling so I brushed it off and jumped into the air with a jubilant shout. I was pregnant!

I couldn't contain my excitement anymore and I ran out of the bathroom with the stick still in my hand to find my wonderful husband. I stood at the doorway leading outside for a moment and paused to find his face among the many guests. When I finally found him, he was off to the side discussing something with Billy. I didn't care that I was about to interrupt or that I might trip as I ran across the yard towards him. Luckily I made it without anything fatal happening and I threw myself into Jake's waiting arms where he stood with a confused expression.

"Bella? What's going on?"

I opened my mouth to tell him, but instead I started crying. I couldn't help myself, I was just so happy.

"Bella? Baby?" Oh. Now he was freaking out.

I silently handed him the stick that was still clutched in my hand as tears continued to stream down my face. He still looked confused so I tapped the stick, indicating he should look at it.

He studied the white plastic and pink dot for a moment, his forehead still wrinkled in confusion before the frown disappeared and a slow, triumphant smile spread across his face. I waited for him to look at me and when he did it was like the sun rising. His features were lit up from within and his eyes shone like liquid pools of brown fire. At that moment he was my beautiful, happy, carefree, teenaged Jacob again. My breath caught in the back of my throat and before I could catch it again he swooped me up into a bone crushing hug, his lips against mine. I didn't even have time to respond before he had released me and was jumping up and down releasing triumphant shouts of joy.

I smiled and laughed, seeing my husband acting like a kid at the candy store. I was so joyously happy that I couldn't even begin to explain. I couldn't even think about what this would mean for us. I couldn't –

"Oi! Jake? What's going on, yo?"

Embry had decided to join in the fun, oh joy. Jacob looked to me, his eyes pleading to tell. I wanted to say no, I wanted to keep it between us, but here I go again with the selfless thing. I nodded and he whooped again. I shook my head, grinning like an idiot. By now, everyone was paying attention. Jake paused dramatically and then,

"BELLA'S PREGNANT!"

Everything was silent for half a second and then the whole party erupted into cheers and shouts of congratulations. I smiled and hugged every one of the party goers, but for some reason that dreadful crushing sensation had returned and I had no idea why. And then I realized, "Where's Sam?"

Everyone looked around. He was nowhere to be seen. We immediately began to spread out. I started towards the house, hoping against hope that he would be inside using the potty or in his room playing with his cars. I didn't even get two steps before I heard the most horrifying sound.

A lone wolf on patrol howled into the early afternoon air. I would know that howl anywhere. It was Seth and that was his call for danger. I began to panic. Where was my Samuel?

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**A/N:** And a cliffy. Sorry, I now understand how tempting it is. Don't worry next chapter is already brewing and has been for sometime. It's on the way. Review! Pretty Please?


	6. They

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine

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**Chapter 5: **_**They**_

Back before I knew about the wonderful world of vampires, werewolves, shape-shifters, and other magical creatures I used to wonder about an expression people used in everyday conversation. When talking about having pain in their lower back someone might say to me, "Oh, they got me again!", or I would hear someone say, "Oh no, it looks like they have tricked me this time!" when they magically got chocolate on their white pants. But who were _they_? I had no idea. That is until I was entered into this world of unknowns where legends, myths, and nightmares became more real than anything else. Then who _they_ were became painfully obvious, especially when _they_ were standing only forty feet from you and your loved ones, holding onto something more dear to you than your own life.

Seth's howl finally ended, and I didn't like the way the silence carried across the treetops to us. But I was too focussed on the hands that held tightly onto my son, my Samuel. A large group of vampires had emerged from the trees, their ruby eyes glistening from beneath the dark cloaks that seemed to swirl around them even though there was no wind today. I knew the three in the forefront immediately. I would never forget the first time I saw their faces in the grand painting hanging in Dr. Cullen's office. Aro. Cauis. Marcus. No one could ever forget those horribly beautiful faces, easily recognizable even when represented by a mere mortal's unsteady painter's hand. I cared not that their faces were horribly beautiful or that they were so much more than human in that moment, because all that mattered was that they had my Samuel, and I knew that they would not give him back easily

I stepped forward cautiously, "Aro," I spoke, my voice surprisingly steady and calm, "please return what is mine."

The one in the center with his hand on Samuel's shoulder grinned, "Oh, Bella, at last we meet! I thought I might have mistaken this for the wrong party, but I am gladly proven right!"

I was taken aback. How did this monster know who I was? And more importantly, how did he know where to find me?

He spoke again, "Ah, yes. A wonderful day for a birthday party, no? I just turned 3856 myself the other day. We had a wonderful celebration back in Volterra, truly magnificent. Your son tells me he is three years old today and that his name is Sam and that he happens to have a great fondness for toy cars."

He held up a small toy in the hand not holding onto Sam's shoulder, "I told him that I have a magnificent collection myself. Kind of a guilty pleasure you know," he laughed airily. Strange creature.

Suddenly he was all business as my baby's namesake stepped forward, assuming his rightful position as Alpha.

"Ah, I see I will have to speak to the leader now. Oh well, we can continue this conversation later Bella."

I shuddered, not liking the intended threat in his voice. I pushed the thought away, concentrating on keeping my eyes connected to my son's. I could tell he was starting to get scared. The tension was too much for him, and I feared that he would start hyperventilating and when he reached for his puffer I wouldn't be able to give it to him. The pain was too much and my knees gave out. Jacob caught me before I hit the ground and pulled me into his side. I could feel him shaking, controlling himself, trying not to explode into the magnificent beast of my dreams. I was shaking too, trembling in fear. What did they want?

Sam spoke, "You are trespassing here. We only wish for peace. Please return the boy and leave us be. We will not harm you if you leave now."

Aro grimaced politely, "I'm sorry. We really can't do that. See, you all really know too much, and we can't risk our secrets being found out."

"So you mean to make a treaty with us?" Sam questioned uncertainly, "We are willing. There is no reason not to trust us, we have kept your secret for many years as it also means keeping ours."

Aro smiled this time, "Yes, there is some truth to that, but we are not here to make a treaty. We are here to claim what is rightfully ours. Miss Swan, if you will, I need you to return to Volterra with us. If you come with us now we will leave this community in peace and return your son to his father."

I was stunned. They wanted me? What do they want with me? I stood up uncertainly and took a step forward, "Why?"

Caius spoke this time, "Because you are a direct violation."

I didn't need any more explanation than that. I knew what he meant. I was a human who knew too much. I knew what they wanted with me now and I knew what I had to do. I had to save my son. I took another step forward, "Very well."

Aro and Cauis broke into smiles; Aro's was less threatening whereas Cauis appeared purely evil. My step faltered and I stumbled a few feet forward. Before I could take another step before them, someone grabbed me from behind and growled low in my ear, "No."

I found myself being carried backwards against my will. I had been so close. "Put me down, Jacob."

I struggled against his iron grip to no avail. Sam stepped in front of me, blocking my view, "There must be some other way. Bella is part f this family now and means no harm to you."

"I'm afraid not," Aro said, "this is the only way we are willing to consider without a fight."  
"Then I guess you'll get what you really came for," Jacob muttered.

"Very well, dogs. We will have our fight. Release the child, Aro." Cauis seethed.

The next second my glorious son was running towards me, the setting sun reflecting off of his hair, skin, and frightened face. I picked him up in and held him close when he hurled himself into my waiting arms. "My baby," I whispered over and over again.

Suddenly Jacob turned to me, "Get him out of here, get everyone out of here, now!"

I couldn't understand his panic, they outnumbered the three vampires at the edge of the woods enormously. I looked back to where some of the wolves had already morphed and the vampires were slowly advancing, noticing for the first time that there were at least five times more mythical creatures emerging from the woods. One of them was moving slower than the rest, dragging something. I looked closer and gasped in pain and disgust. The next second the body of young Seth was lying in between the enemies. "First blood," Cauis smirked.

Pained howls and ripping sounds exploded in the still air. They had planned this. They were going to kill everyone. They knew they could win.

And I knew somehow that I could not escape this fate, but I had to try. I grabbed Sam close and began to run, yelling to the other women, "Grab the children, we have to go now!"

We piled into the fastest cars and held onto our children for dear life. I started the engine of Jake's Rabbit, and screamed when a vampire landed on the hood. I stared into her wild eyes for a moment before I realised that there was no getting away. She plunged her hand into the hood of the car and the engine spluttered until it died. She brought her hand back up; it was filled with blacked, twisted metal parts, and grinned at me triumphantly. Before I knew what was happening, the rest of the women were being dragged from the vehicles surrounding me after the doors were ripped off their hinges. Their screams and the frightened cries of their children were cut short, and I knew that they were dead.

In an attempt to save Sam I ran towards the house. I didn't make it five steps before one of the monsters ripped me back and turned me towards the fray, "Watch them die," he hissed in my ear, "See what you have done, Bella."

Tears streamed down my face but they did not blur my vision. I watched as one by one the wolves went down, shuddering into their human bodies as they breathed their last. I saw the bodies of everyone I had ever loved scattered across the yard or piled near the trees. My one hope was that Jacob was still alive. He stood proudly, facing down the six vampires surrounding him. One lunged and ripped a gash in his leg. I let out a cry of pain as he limped back a step. There was slight fear in his eyes, but there was also determination and I knew he would keep fighting until the death.

It was the hardest thing to stand there, not being able to move, held in the cold grip of an enemy and watch my husband die. I don't recall screaming as the vampires all took him at once. The only sounds I remember are the ripping of his flesh and the sound of our son crying out to his father.

I felt my knees give out as I watched his blood soak the earth and the only condolence I could offer myself is that the vampires would never touch it, it would never appear in their eyes and it would never satisfy their thirst.

Tear continued to stream down my face as I watched them pile the bodies in the house and set my beloved home on fire. Putrid smoke filled the air and Sam began to choke on it. I pulled him farther away from the acrid smell and held him against my chest, burying my tear streaked face in his hair. I don't know how long we sat there, holding tight to each other, grieving, but I remember what happened next without a doubt.

"Isabella," oh that mocking angelic voice.

I looked up into the ruby eyes belonging to Aro. He stared at me, the excitement from the kill still evident in his eyes.

"Dearest Isabella, you see what happens when you defy the Volturi? We are power. We are killers, we are not your precious creatures who kill only out of need. We kill for pleasure, for lust, for greed. We kill everything."

I stared into his eyes. Yes, they had killed everything. Everything. Wait – but I still had Sam. They hadn't killed everything. I still had my baby. This thought no sooner entered my mind than Aro approached me and took Sam from my tight grip. I screamed at him to give him back, "Aro! Please, no! Not him! Please, no! Sam!"

But I was too late and helpless to stop him as he took my son and ended his life. His blood soaked the same ground his father's had and his body joined the burning pile that was everything I had ever loved. I screamed, cursed, and tore my hair out. I wanted to die in that moment and I still do. I would give everything just to die. To be with Jacob and my Samuel.

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**A/N:** I'm crying. Review please. I need to know if you think I should change the rating on this story to M.


	7. A New Beginning or A Continued Deathwish

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine. Samuel actually is though, so that makes me happy.

**Chapter 6: A New Beginning or A Continued Death Wish?**

_Four years later…_

It has been eight years since he left and four since...but I cannot bring myself to think of it. Four years is not an excruciatingly long time for most of my kind. For them days pass as quickly as the sand in an hourglass falls. How lucky they are I thought with a snort. How must it feel to actually enjoy this hell I am in. For me time passes like molasses moves on a metal pole during an Alaskan winter…it doesn't. Or it doesn't seem to anyway.

I can't keep the memories away for very long. They always find me. Sometimes I don't want to remember. Sometimes I want to die. But somehow I know I must think of them, if only to keep their memory alive. I must remember every touch shared between me and Jacob, every laugh, and every time he made me feel whole again. I must remember every detail of my sunshine, my Samuel. His glowing, happy face, russet skin, flowing black locks, bright smile – I cannot bear it.

I want to tear my hair out, scream, cry…

As I contemplate these things I know I cannot do right now my memories begin to come at me full force. They are not the dim, human memories most vampires are born with. They are sharp, crystal clear images that only get clearer every time they torment me.

_FLASHBACK_

_I was still crumpled on the ground, sobbing when I heard his voice again, "Oh, dear Bella, do not cry," Aro attempted to sound soothing, "you have no reason to cry. Now you can truly start the life you were meant for without them to hold you back."_

_Without thinking I was suddenly on my feet and flying through the air towards him. Rage had consumed me and all common sense had been thrown out the door. All I could think was that he had taken everything and how much I wished I could kill him. _

_My leap was cut short my an iron grip around my waist, "Easy there, love, no need to hurt yourself physically too."_

_I turned to stare at my captor. He was tall, dark, and quite possibly handsome. Ha. Like anyone could replace the great loves of my life._

_He smiled, "My name is Felix."_

_I continued to stare at him, tears streaming unchecked down my face as the fire illuminated the darkening night. He seemed kind. How strange. His smile faltered and he looked confused for a moment, then his face softened._

"_It will be ok, Bella. Just come with us."_

_I frowned. That didn't sound right. How could everything possibly be ok? I turned away from the pity I saw etched in his face to stare at the fire that had consumed everything I loved. I contemplated it for a moment and then took a step forward. I was brave enough. I could do it. I took another step, only to find Felix's iron grip around my waist again, "It will help nothing," he whispered. _

_I turned in his grasp once again. He looked back into my face. His eyes overflowed with an ancient sadness. He was wrong though. I knew it would help immensely, but before I could open my mouth to argue, my world faded to black and I did not resurface._

I did not wake up for a long time. Aro thinks that I slipped into a type of coma. That my mind had been given too much grief and needed to protect itself. Ha. Stupid old man. Like he knows anything. Gods I hate that vampire.

I don't remember anything from that time and sometimes I wish I could have let the darkness consume me. If it had been possible I would have jumped towards it, begging to die. But no. I am still here. Stuck in this life I do not want.

Felix told me everything I missed while in the 'coma'. I don't like to dwell on it. Apparently they carried me back here on their private jet and whisked me away to this ancient castle in Volterra. I remember nothing of the journey. They brought me to this room. I hate this room. It's basically a cushy prison. Not that they can keep me here, I just don't have the strength to leave.

Then they began the change. They find it extremely difficult to believe that I remember nothing of the fire and pain that wracked my body for three days. But I don't, because I have known greater pain. My heart was already dead anyway. Oh, and they were even more surprised when the change induced a miscarriage. Felix said it was a girl. My beautiful, baby girl. I call her Renesmee. For my mothers. More pain.

They say to me again and again that it is time to restart my life. To forget everything. But how can I restart my life when they keep me under lock and key. And how can I ever possibly forget?

My non-existent heart is torn to shreds and my veins flow with the fresh blood that shows in my eyes. I don't want this, but there is nothing else for me. No Edward. No Jacob. No Samuel. No Renesmee. Nothing to love.


	8. Mission

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine. Samuel actually is though; so that makes me happy/sad cause he died…aww.

Chapter 7: Mission

I push my memories away for now and flop down on the luxurious bed in my 'room'. Ha. A room with bars on the window, only hidden by the lush, red velvet curtains. That seems about right. The Voturi hide everything and everyone. Hmm. I wonder where they keep the corpses.

I jumped at a knock on the door. Stupid vampires. Why do they bother anymore? Not like any other prisoner gets privacy. Guess I'm special. What an honour. Not.

"Come in."

The door swung open and in strolled Felix.

"Good morning, sunshine!" he practically sings.

Stupid Felix. He's almost always in a good mood. What is his deal? I stare at him for a minute. His eyes are alight with mischief. Oh no. Not again. He always tries to drag me outta' here to do something 'fun', and it usually involves killing something, or more likely, someone.

"Go away, Felix. I am so not in the mood for your shenanigans," I state forcefully.

He looks a bit hurt. Yeah right.

"But, Bella," he whines at me, "this is gonna be awesome!"

"No. No way, Felix."

He looks at me for a moment, studying my face.

"You been crying again," it's a statement, not a question.

Did I mention I have the ability to cry? No. Well, I can, and I hate it. So does Aro, which makes me hate a bit less. He thought I'd have some big shot power like him. No such luck, douche bag. Ha. I actually called him a douche bag. Ha ha.

"Yeah, so?"

"So, I guess that means I'll let you off the hook," he sighs dejectedly. God he reminds me of Alice every time I succeeded in wriggling out of yet another shopping trip. Such a baby.

"Good. Now was there anything else, Felix? Cause I really don't care for company today, even if it is yours."

I actually don't mind Felix. He's the closest thing I have to a friend here.

"Yeah, um, actually, um, Aro wants to talk to you. In the throne room."

I shot him a sharp look. Why was he so nervous? What is going on?

"What for?"

"I don't know. That's what worries me."

"Fine. Just give me a minute to put on some decent clothing," I yell back to him, already strolling into my well-stocked closet.

I picked out some beige slacks and a red blouse, knowing the colours will offset my new beauty well. After quickly changing I walked back out to Felix in my four inch, blood red heels. He whistled lowly, "Nice, Bella."

I simply smile and link my arm through his, indicating that we should get going then. He smiles back and begins to lead the way out of my cell. God I hate that room. If this were the last time I were to ever see it I wouldn't care at all.

The walk down to the 'throne room' was quiet. Only my shoes clicking lightly on the hard wood and stone floors indicated that we were moving at all. Felix looked at me out of the corner of his eyes from time to time. I could tell that whatever was waiting for me with Aro was troubling him. To be honest it was troubling me too. Usually Aro just invades my space when he wants to 'talk' to me. More like yell at me. Ha. He thinks he's so intimidating. Stupid vampire.

Felix stopped short and I stopped fluidly beside him. We both took a deep breath and the large wooden doors in front of us opened. I looked at Felix, for the first time fearing what Aro had in store for me. I shook it off. I had nothing to fear, because I had nothing left to lose.

I felt my chin go up and walked forward confidently, leaving poor Felix behind.

"Good evening, Bella dear," a voice to my left drawled. I looked over, then wished I hadn't.

"Good evening, Demetri. I thought I smelled something," I said wrinkling my nose for effect.

He smirked at me and said nothing. How unusual. More often than not that kind of comment gets him going. Hmm. What is the deal?

"Bella! How lovely of you to join us. Finally," Aro sang from across the room.

I approached his 'throne' and smiled up at him, "Good evening, Aro. I am sorry if I kept you waiting."

That's right. Just be polite. I know it annoys him to no end. I was right, it was totally working. I watched as his jaw clenched slightly, then he was smiling again.

"Bella, dearest, I have a proposition for you."

Uh oh. "And what might that be?"

"I was hoping that you could go on your first mission. You see there is a newborn army being created in London and I have a feeling the situation is about to get out of hand. Just north of London there is a small town named Bosham. There is a coven there now that is willing to help us clear out the trouble in London. I have already spoken to their leader and agreed to send five of the Guard to assist them. That should be more than enough to take care of it. I am offering you the chance to go."

My mouth was hanging open. I knew it, so I pushed it shut with my hand. Was he really offering me a chance to get out of here? To do something useful? A chance that could very well lead to my escape? Heck yes!

"I would be honoured to assist, Aro," I said struggling to keep my excitement out of my voice.

"Oh that is just excellent my dear! You must hurry and pack! At least a week's worth of clothing I should think. Demetri, Jane, Alec, and Felix will be accompanying you," he nodded to them all, "now get going."

They all bowed slightly to him. I wanted to snort. Yeah, like I would ever do that. I turned lightly on my heel and strode quickly away.

"Bella?"

I turned back to Aro, only to find he had not spoken. He gestured to the seat on his right. Marcus. I must admit I do have some respect for him.

"Yes, Marcus?"

"Behave yourself, dear. And be careful."

"Yes, father," I said respectfully. I only called him that. The other two could bite me. Ha. Too bad Marcus already did.

I exited the hall and turned the corner to find Felix waiting for me. He smiled at me warily.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. I'm just glad you agreed."

"Uh huh, not buying it Felix. Spill."

"Well, why did you accept exactly?"

"To get the frick outta' here that's why!" I exclaimed. What was he dumb now or something? Geez.

"Oh, ok. Well I guess we should get packed," he responded already moving away from me.

"Yeah, okay."

I walked back to my room and packed. I couldn't help thinking that something was about to change my life, yet again. And I didn't know if I wanted it


	9. Freedom

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine. Samuel is though…and don't steal his name because that's my future child's name …lol.

**Chapter 8: Freedom**

I awoke from my memories as the sun rose over Volterra, only to be concealed by an early morning mist. My body was humming with anticipation of tasting that mist, feeling that sun, and maybe running through the forest. Oh to be so lucky.

A knock on the door caused me to jump, again. Stupid, quiet Felix.

"Bella? May I come in?"

"Duh," I muttered under my breath.

I heard him chuckle lightly and push the door to my room open. He froze on the first step, "Um, Bella, why does your 'room' look like a tornado hit?"

I grimaced as I looked around the room. He was right. My belongings were everywhere. I didn't have much, but it was all very important to me, which is why I can't decide what to bring. Clothing isn't too big a deal. I'll wear a rag if I have to. My pictures on the other hand were very important to me.

After the fire and being turned, I had managed to wrangle a computer with an internet connection out of Marcus. I had immediately signed onto my Facebook account and recovered all my pictures of my Samuel and Jacob. I had then hid them all on a jump drive and printed out doubles. Just in case. I would never lose them again. And then I had deleted myself and everything about me on the internet. Felix had helped because he knew I couldn't stand it if anyone found me. Mister Smarty-Pants knew exactly what he was doing too. Oh well. No way to go back.

I also had some other things. Felix must have known somehow that I would need these things and so he took them from my home before they burned it to the ground. A few small, but very important items: Sam's baby book, mine and Jacob's wedding picture from the mantelpiece, my jewelry box, Jacob's favourite sweatshirt, and Sam's baby blanket and Mr. Bear. All of these things he somehow knew to grab. And I knew I would never be able to thank him enough for that act of kindness.

Then I realized I had been thinking about his question for way to long when he huffed impatiently behind me, "Oh, um, sorry. I was just trying to decide what to bring."

"Bella, we're going to be gone for a week. I highly doubt you need to bring anything but a few changes of clothes."

I turned to him. He couldn't be serious. He actually thought I was coming back here? He looked into my eyes. No. He hoped I was coming back here.

"I'm sorry, Felix. This is it. I'm not coming back."

His whole face dropped into a mask of ancient pain, "Bella, please. I need you here. Please don't leave me, Bella."

My heart broke. Again. Ha. All this time I thought I was the one who needed him. I guess I never figured he depended on me too.

"Felix, listen to me," I paused, "I love you to bits. You are my only friend in this world. You have given me so much. I will never, ever forget that. But I cannot live like this anymore. I refuse. If ever I will move on, it most definitely won't be within this prison. I love you, Felix, but I just can't."

He was silent. Staring at me again. Then he took a step toward me and…hugged me? This caught me off guard. Felix was not an emotional person, and he was never physically affectionate. So I savoured the moment and hugged him back as hard as I could.

"Ouch, Bella."

I stepped back. Maybe too hard, "Sorry, Felix."

"That's okay," he said, "and I love you too, Bella. Now let's get you packed and outta' here."

"Now that's what I like to hear."

The next few minutes went by quickly as Felix helped me stuff all my belongings into a large suitcase and a carry-on bag. We would be driving to wherever it was. I didn't really care as long as I got out of here.

A soft knock on the door startled me, but Felix turned to answer it without betraying a hint of surprise. I must just be a nervous wreck all the time. He opened the door and we found Jane on the other side of it.

"We are ready," she said in a bored monotone, "are you coming?"

"Yes, Jane, we will be right behind you," Felix replied while grabbing my suitcase.

We followed her down to the tastefully decorated lobby where Gianna kept residence to find Aro, Marcus, and Cauis waiting for us. Cauis said nothing, but Aro and Marcus had parting words.

"Be well, children," Aro said, "hurry home," he paused again and looked at me, "Goodbye, Bella."

Marcus approached me next. He looked into my eyes, seeing my decision there most likely, and simply said, "Be careful, child. I will miss you."

I would miss him too, but I said nothing.

Then Felix tugged on my sleeve and we moved towards the doors. This was it. My freedom awaited.

Stepping through those doors was indescribable. I could smell the mist, just like I had hoped. I could smell everything, actually. It was perfect. I could see Felix smiling at me as I enjoyed this new sensation. The sensation of freedom.

And very suddenly I was frightened. What now, Samuel? What now, Jacob? What do I do now?

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**A/N:** Oh my goodness! 8 whole chapters! I must say I am quite proud of myself. I know this is kind of a small, filler type chapter, but the next chapter will be worth it, dear readers. And speaking of my dear readers, I must say a thank-you to maxstew who has reviewed almost every chapter of this story and gives me good remarks all the time. Your encouragement is appreciated. And I remind you all to review. A story with over 200 hits should have more than 8 reviews.

So, you see that little green button. CLICK IT! Hehe…and Happy Holidays!


	10. Coven

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine.

**Chapter 9: Coven**

The drive through the lightening countryside was exquisitely beautiful, but none of my company had taste for my excitement. They had all been here before. Felix did smirk at me though. Stupid know-it-all.

It took us far too long to reach the shores of France. I'm not even going to guess at how many hours I had to spend in the slowly darkening vehicle with Felix squished between Demetri and I, as Jane and Alec rode silently in the front seat. The silence was often deafening and always uncomfortable. I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut and only quietly point things out to Felix. It was a whole lot better than being ridiculed for my lack of experience and being called a 'newborn' every time I got excited. Ugh. I can't say it enough…stupid vampires.

By the time we got on the ferry to cross the English Channel I was starting to get a little nervous about the new coven we would be meeting. I hadn't ever met nomads or small groups of our kind and to be honest, the idea of them frightened me. They would be wild, untamed. Like James.

I pushed that thought away as I chose instead to concentrate on the cool night breeze blowing my hair around my face. The others had gone below deck. They said it's what humans were supposed to do in this type of weather and it would look strange if we all stood out here. I had chosen to stay behind. I needed some breathing room after that stuffy car ride. Who knew vampires could be so pig-headed. Oh, wait, I guess I knew that. cough x Rosalie x cough.

I grinned at my little joke and looked towards the sky. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually seen the stars. I never got to see them in Washington and I wasn't allowed out of the castle without a guard, namely Felix, and our excursions were always so risky that I never felt like appreciating the pure and simple beauty of the night fires in the sky.

But now that I could see them I wish I couldn't. It reminded me too much of Jacob and Samuel. It made me think about their souls. Like Carlisle had said. I wonder if there really is a God? Huh. Well, I'm one of the damned now so I don't really care. Besides I have about 30 or 40 murders on my head so I doubt God would be very forgiving anyway. I just hope that for lives that ended in such a way that they have a something better waiting for them on the other side.

And I kinda hope they can see me now because I'm kind of counting on them to guide me a little here. I have no idea what I'm going to do after this mission, but I have the feeling that Jake and Sam are telling me to go on the mission before leaving the Volturi all together.

"Bella?"

Felix's voice startled me. I turned to find him staring at me. I checked my clothing. Nothing out of place, "Yeah, Felix?"

He shuffled his feet a little, "Um, I just wanted to let you know that we're going to be landing soon," he whispered.

I looked at him again. Something was bothering him and I wanted to know what, "Felix, what's going on? You seem kind of nervous."

He gazed into my eyes for an immeasurable moment, "I was just wondering what you were planning on doing once we get off the Ferry."

"Oh," I didn't expect that, "I'm still coming on the mission, Felix. I'm not going to just leave you all to defend yourselves, even if I do hate more than half of you," I joked.

His answering smile was just what I had hoped for. He relaxed, "Oh, ok, good, um, well the others are waiting for us. Won't you come in now?"

"Sure, sure. I'm right behind you," I said as I shot one last look at the stars.

He turned to go back inside and held the door open for me. I walked by him slowly, taking in one last breath of fresh air before I was confronted with the smell of a couple hundred humans.

Sitting on that boat with Jane, Demetri, and Alec was ironic to me. They were the ones who had killed every thing I loved. Jane took out Seth, Alec killed Sam, and Demetri, he was the last one to strike Jacob. And now here I sat with them, enjoying the gentle motion of the water, the smell of salt and blood, and the complete contentment of my newfound freedom. Oh the irony.

It took us about an hour to cross the Channel and before I knew it we were zooming away through the night towards the little town of Bosham. The sky was just beginning to lighten when we reached the outskirts of the picturesque village. The drive through the most heavily populated area took only a few minutes, and then we were on one of the famed English moors. It reminded me of the film BBC made of _Wuthering Heights_ and I watched as all the trees zoomed by through the light fog that constantly clung to the ground in those areas. I wanted to get out and explore those moors. To see what Catherine had seen.

I sighed and turned away from the window to look at Felix. He was once again crushed between Demetri and I, but was not complaining in the slightest. I don't know why we didn't take a stupid minivan or two cars, or something. I mean, come on, the Volturi must have more than just this little sports car.

Felix turned to look at me. His eyes were holding a smile but were concealing something deeper. Was that worry? I sighed again. He always worried about me. No matter what I end up doing he will always be the worry-wart. I wanted to distract this train of thought so I decided now would be the best time to ask, "Are we there yet?"

Felix chuckled and even Demetri tried not to grin. Jane looked at me through the rear view mirror and said, "Does it look like we're there yet, Bella?"

I laughed lightly, "No, it doesn't, Jane, but then I wouldn't know because I don't know where we're going exactly. Wait, where are we going?"

"It's only another minute or so away," she replied as she made a sharp turn into an almost completely obscured driveway.

The trees almost completely covered the small dirt road and blocked out most of the light that managed to filter through the fog. Now I really felt like we were about to meet up with some other vampires. The scenery was perfect.

Just then a break in the trees appeared around a sharp corner and revealed a low, shallow valley. A very old house sat nestled in the dip and the driveway slowly curved down to the front porch with one branch leading to a large garage farther back. The house itself was timeless. It reminded me of something out of a civil war story. Like one of those old plantations in the South before the war. It's light blue paint and white trim were perfectly kept and the big red front door seemed inviting rather than frightening.

Jane stopped the car and we all piled out as quickly as possible. I noticed that Demetri seemed anxious and mischievous, if that combination is even possible. He caught me looking at him and smirked at me, "What?" he grimaced.

I turned my back on the house to face him, "Nothing," I said, "Just noticing once again how hideous you are."

He growled lowly at me, "You're one to talk, dog-lover."

That was a low blow and he knew it. How dare he even speak of Jacob when he had been the one to murder him! I felt my temper begin to flare and was about to yell at him when I was interrupted by the opening of the front door and a smooth voice.

"Welcome! Welcome to our home!"

I froze. There was no way. This was not happening. It wasn't possible. My back was still turned and couldn't find the courage to face the person who welcomed us so warmly.

He spoke again, "Welcome! Jane, Alec, Demetri, Felix it has been far too long. And who is this? A new addition?"

"Yes," Jane replied, then to me, "Well introduce yourself."

I knew I couldn't continue to be so rude so I took and deep, unnecessary breath and turned to face the man.

Even though I was expecting it I was still surprised by his youth and beauty. He hadn't changed one bit since I had last seen him and yet he was different as I looked at him through my new eyes.

He, on the other hand, was completely taken aback. Shock was written all across his face. Well I guess I don't blame him. His mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to find the words and finally, "Bella?"

I smiled as much as I could, "Hello, Carlisle."

Felix moved automatically to my side as he sensed my distress. His arm found its way around my waist. I know it's silly but I actually felt dizzy. I guess it was the speed at which my memories were hitting me. The last time I had seen Carlisle I had been human and we had a discussion about our souls. I knew I didn't have one anymore. It died with Jacob and Samuel. I had known it for a long time.

Carlisle was still staring at me. He seemed to have regained his composure in the last 30 seconds. He addressed me again, "How…why…how…"

He was still confused. Jane decided to intervene, "All will be revealed in due time, old friend. For now, let's go inside, greet the rest of your coven, and plan our attack so that we can go on a quick hunting excursion."

"Very well," he sighed, "come in."

I stood there watching them walk away. Felix still stood beside me, "You coming in?" he asked.

I looked at him blankly, "Uh, yeah, I'll just um, get the suitcases."

"Let me help you."

"No, that's okay," I protested, "I got it."

He seemed about to object so I said, "I just need a minute. I'll be right there. I promise."

He looked me over again and turned to go inside, seeming to know that I just needed time to compose myself before facing my almost-family once again in my new form. I watched him walk through the light drizzle that had begun to fall towards the open door. He disappeared momentarily and I felt myself fall against the car and crouch to the ground. I buried my face in my knees and let go of the breath I had unconsciously been holding in. I felt the tears begin to form in my eyes.

Oh crap. Now what? What next?

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**A/N**: Merry Christmas! Here is your present. Reviews can be mine! Click that green button!


	11. Almost Family

Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine.

**Chapter 10: Almost Family**

I was still sitting on the ground near the car when I sensed a presence. I ignored it, not wanting to be confronted by anyone. I let my tears fall down my face and kept my head buried between my folded knees. I was practically in the fetal position, just sitting up. I waited for the presence to go away or say something. It was kind of weird waiting. The silence wasn't a true silence and I could sense that the presence was enduring some kind of struggle. Finally a voice spoke, "Bella?"

The voice was not the velvety tones I had been hoping for. Instead all I got was an extremely happy, booming voice. I looked up and found...Emmet. His grin was stretched right across his face and his face was about the only thing I could see since it was now about five inches from my own. I figured that I should probably wipe away my tears and offer some form of reply.

I stood up and Emmet followed my example. I quickly wiped away the tracks my venomous tears had left on my face and offered Emmet a small smile.

"Hi Emmet," I said quietly.

Before I could even comprehend what was happening I was swept up into the bear's big arms and given a crushing hug.

"I knew it was you!" He boomed in my over sensitive ears, "I told you it was her!" he said to someone behind him.

I hadn't realized until that moment that there was anyone else with him. I enjoyed the rest of the hug as he set me back down on my feet, unsure if I would ever get another one. I smiled hugely up at the beast in front of me and said, "I missed you too, Emmet."

He chuckled and turned to the people behind him. I stepped around his huge form to see who it was as well. I paused and felt my breath stop. There in all their immaculate beauty stood three others.

Alice was in my line of vision first. She was bouncing up and down excitedly.

Rosalie was next. She stood with her arms crossed, for once not glaring at me, but smirking at her easily excited husband.

And there he was. Beautiful. Hair blowing in the breeze while the rest of him remained completely motionless. My heart broke again; if that was possible as I realized that his face was completely blank. His eyes betrayed no emotion. Perfectly smooth. Inhumane. Just like the day he left me.

For some reason this made me feel defensive. My chin went up and I challenged him with my eyes. He did not know what I had gone through because he left me. He didn't know what I had lost first when he left me, and then again when I was discovered to know too much for any normal human.

This assessment only took a few seconds at most and then I couldn't handle the tension anymore.

"Hello," I said, "It's good to see you again Alice, Rosalie, Edward."

I was proud that I did not stumble over his name as I usually did when speaking of him.

Alice reacted to my greeting first. She squealed loudly and flung herself at me. I felt her small arms wrap around my waist and pull me into a hug. My arms automatically went around her shoulders and pulled her closer. I had missed her so much and I wasn't about to begrudge her, or myself, one hug. She pulled away after a few seconds and looked me up and down.

"My God, you are gorgeous, Bella!" she exclaimed, "And are you wearing Gucci? Wow!"

I chuckled at her assessment of me and nodded at the clothing comment. I didn't shop for my clothes, Gianna did. She always made sure I was fashionably dressed.

Alice stepped aside, still smiling, as Rosalie approached me. To my surprise she also embraced me. It wasn't a cold hug by any means, but it also felt like an obligation or formality. Then she whispered in my ear, so that only I could hear her, "Welcome home, Bella."

I looked at her angelic face, confused. Home? But I had no time to think about that. Edward was now standing in front of me. His eyes were liquid gold and burning with a fire. They still took my breath away and if I had a heart, I'm sure it would be accelerating just from that one look. He stared into my eyes for a moment and upon seeing something there that obviously displeased him, he held out his hand. I had expected nothing more, so I took his cold hand into my own and shook it firmly, once again challenging him with my eyes.

"Well," Emmet boomed once again, "Shall we go inside and plan how to kill 20 or so newborns?"

The others chuckled at his enthusiasm and I grimaced. I didn't want to be a monster anymore, but now I had to kill our own kind. I turned back to the trunk and pulled out the suitcases. Emmet automatically took more than half of them and left me with only mine and Felix's luggage. I picked them up easily and followed the moving forms of the others up to the red front door.

I paused at the red door. It was ironic really that it matched my eyes, I thought with a silent chuckle. I took my first step through the door and was once again welcomed with delicious scents and the beautiful, light, open space that was always found in a Cullen home. Sunlight poured through the glass windows and one glass wall that faced south. Everyone was perched on some piece of furniture and appeared to be in full-on planning mode. I stood quietly just to the left of the doorway and listened as they perfected their plans. They finished only a few seconds later and Jane stood from her place on the sofa.

"Well that about covers it," she said quietly, "We will now leave for a few days to hunt. We will stay out of the immediate area to provide your family cover."

"Thank you," Carlisle said sincerely.

She nodded at him and turned to everyone else in our little group, "Let's go."

But I couldn't go. I wouldn't. I didn't want to be a monster anymore. I would never kill another human if I could help it. I would never.

It took me less than a minute to come to my decision though it had been a long time coming, and by the time I looked up I found Jane watching me with a hint of impatience in her eyes.

"Let's go, Bella. I don't have all day."

It took me less than a second, "No."

Her eyebrows rose in disbelief, "Excuse me?" her whisper was filled with venom.

"No." I repeated more firmly.

Now Felix, Demetri, and Alec were looking at me like I was crazy too. Jane looked murderous and I couldn't help but smile inside at the thought that she couldn't force me to do anything.

She was still fuming, "Bella, you will come along now."

Oh no she didn't just order me to do something. She should know by now that doesn't work with me. Stupid vampire. "I said no. I will not come with you. I will not hunt humans any longer. You can't make me anymore."

"Bella," she smiled, "you forget who you are here for. Masters will not be pleased at your disobedience."

I sniffed derisively. Masters. Not mine. "I do not forget anything, Jane. And 'masters' already know I am not coming back. I am here for me."

She harrumphed. She knew I was right, "Fine. Have fun with the Cullens, Isabella."

I froze. I hadn't thought about that. Now I would be left alone with them. Oh dammit. Before I could say another word she swept out the door followed closely by Alec and Demetri, and reluctantly by Felix. He shot me a look of hopelessness and concern before he closed the red door behind him.

Silence filled the room behind me and I knew there were seven vampires awaiting an explanation as to what the hell I was doing being a vampire, living with the Volturi, etc.

I figured the sooner I faced them the better so I turned gracefully to be confronted by a million questions and found not seven vampires, but eight.

A young girl stood just behind Jasper's chair. Her long red hair fell in perfect ringlets to her waist and her golden eyes stood out among her typically perfect features. She was tall, maybe about 19 when she was changed.

Her eyes narrowed infinitesimally as I studied her, and I knew she didn't like me looking at her this long, so I turned my attention to everyone else. No one had said anything yet so I decided to break the ice with a wisecrack.

"So," I said, "you guys heard the one about the lion and the lamb?"

Nobody got it, except Edward whose eyes finally flashed with some emotion. I was glad he wasn't completely hopeless.

But the lame joke did its job. Esme approached me. I was tense. I didn't know what she would say or do, and I think I feared her rejection most of all. But there was nothing to worry about. She wrapped her arms around me and I felt myself sag into the embrace.

The burden of death I had carried for so long was suddenly lessened as my true mother welcomed me home. I suddenly understood what Alice had meant by 'welcome home'. Home is where the heart is, and I had suddenly found mine again. It had left with my almost-family, but they had kept it safe for me. Even though I thought my heart was present when I had Jacob and Samuel it wasn't the same. Now I had the heart back that had been forbidden for years. The heart that loved vampires, not werewolves. The heart that loved Edward Cullen, and still did.

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**A/N:** Confusing? Bella's story is next. Even though you know most of it the Cullens don't so please keep reading. Promise it will be good. So did you love or hate the reunion? Let me know by clicking the little green button? And does anyone think I should change the rating on this story to M? If I don't get an answer this time I won't bother changing it. Ok. That's it.

Click the button please? :)


	12. Give Me Strength

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine_

**Chapter 11: Give Me Strength**

Esme's hug didn't last as long as I would have liked. She pulled away after a minute or so and I felt empty and heavy again without her arms around me. It should have been enough that she pulled me over to the sofa to sit beside her and Carlisle. It should have been enough that I was surrounded by family again. It should have been enough that Jacob and Samuel had guided me here. But it wasn't. It wasn't enough. And I felt extremely selfish and somewhat defensive as they all stared at me.

It was quiet. Once again no one knew what to say. I decided I should probably take the initiative, since I was the guest and all. I had no idea what to say so I blurted out my first thought.

"Who's that?"

Oops. I hadn't meant to sound so rude. I was just curious. And maybe a little possessive. Maybe.

My family laughed lightly at my obviousness. I had always been easy for them to read. Carlisle thankfully decided to answer my question.

"Bella, this is Scarlett. She joined us three years ago as a newborn."

I studied Scarlett. She seemed to be warming up to the fact that I was here as she gave me a small smile. I hurried to return the smile. I didn't want her to think I hated her or something. She seemed decent enough.

Suddenly Alice went rigid on her chair. Her vision lasted less than ten seconds and I noticed that as it played Edward relaxed slightly. Hmm. Must have been a good one. Alice snapped out of it and looked from me to Scarlett and smiled widely.

"I can tell you two are going to get along just fine," she said confidently.

I grimaced slightly. I hated it when Alice made it sound like there was no choice in the matter. Oh well. I would be friends with Scarlett. I could always use another friend I guess. Although I don't know how I was going to be friends with her if I was going to be leaving as soon as this mission was over.

Alice saw that. I could tell by the way she frowned at me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Edward frown slightly before his face smoothed once again into the mask I was quickly getting used to. Oh, how I wished he would just smile, just once, just for me. I sighed lightly. No chance of that happening.

Everyone was looking at me again. Jasper looked expectant. I focussed on him for a minute and realized I hadn't greeted him yet. I stood up and walked over to him. He stood as I approached him and looked slightly wary. I suddenly remembered the last time I had seen him. He had been trying to suck my blood. I laughed out loud at the thought. He smiled too, he seemed to know what I was thinking, "Can't do that now can I?" he joked.

I chuckled with him and couldn't resist throwing my arms around him for a quick hug. He responded positively and embraced me too. I pulled away slowly, wanting the moment to last. But it couldn't and I knew I was going to have to face the music now. Jasper sensed my sudden drop into depression and kept one arm around my shoulders, "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to, Bella."

He was looking down at me in concern and suddenly I wanted Felix there. He was my friend and he had lived through the last four years with me. Had seen the battle. Had kept me sane. But he was gone and wasn't going to disobey Jane just to take care of me. I sighed again and flopped down into the nearest chair. I had subconsciously decided to be completely on my own while I told this story. No comfort. No hugs. Nothing. Just me telling my story, sharing my memories with my almost-family.

"I suppose I don't have to tell you," I said to Jasper, "And I don't know if you want to know, but I will tell you because I love you all."

Looks were exchanged. Uneasiness was present in a lot of them. Huh. So they did feel kind of guilty. But enough of that. I would think about that later. I needed to tell this story and so I let myself sink into the memories once again and began to speak.

"When you left me in the forest I tried to follow you," I spoke to Edward, "But after a while I figured it was hopeless. I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I was lost and it was nearing night time. I lay on the forest floor. I couldn't think, couldn't process anything. I couldn't even understand the fact that there were people looking for me even though I could hear them calling my name over and over again."

I paused, I wasn't doing the story that much justice but it had to be done. I took a deep, unnecessary breath. I concentrated on the floor, not really seeing it as I continued with my story.

"They found me after a while, but I couldn't even process the fact that I should be relieved. Should feel safe. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't feel anything. I was numb."

"For the first week I really scared Charlie. I didn't move, didn't eat, didn't smile, didn't speak. Dr. Snow was throwing around words like catatonic. Charlie was scared, so he called Renee to come and get me. If I had to be committed he thought it would be better if my mom did it. When she got there they started packing my stuff. Then I woke up. There was no way I was going to leave. I threw a fit. An actual, honest to God fit. I screamed at them until I couldn't find words anymore and then I really broke down. I cried for hours. They held me, spoke soothingly, told me I didn't have to leave, of course I could stay. I fell asleep in their arms that night and I dreamt of what Edward had said. I had to take care of myself, for Charlie. The next day I got up and began a grand attempt to live again."

"I should have known from the beginning it would be impossible. Everywhere that I went was the same but without the shiny light that surrounded it when I was with one of you. I had lost love. I had lost life. I had lost my meaning. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to go about life as I always had. This went on for a few months before Charlie had had enough. One day he put his foot down. He said that you weren't coming back and that I needed to realize that."

"It stung me, the way he spoke to me, but I didn't let him see it. I decided to start trying a little harder. I went to the movies that night with Jessica. We watched some zombie flick. I ran out before it was over. There had been a young girl running from a zombie and I had realized which one I looked more like. By that time I had stopped trying, stopped caring, what I looked like. But that brought it into perspective for me."

"That night I discovered something. As me and Jess walked toward the McDonald's by the theatre we passed a bar where a few men were hanging around outside the door. I thought that they were the same men that had cornered me before. I wanted to check, because then it would prove you weren't just my imagination. As I approached the men, my adrenaline increased. Jess was trying to cal me back, to no avail, and then...I hear Edward's voice in my head. He was yelling at me =, angry that I was putting myself in danger when I had promised not to."

"I backed off and when I realized that the men weren't the same ones, the voice disappeared, but I was excited. I had something to prove that you hadn't been a memory. Jess was upset with me for the rest of the night but I was too busy to notice. The next day was a particularly hard day for me. I got off work early because it was a really slow day and I didn't want to go home. I drove around aimlessly until I couldn't take the pain anymore and had to pull over. I collapsed in the truck. I tried to hold myself together physically with an arm around my waist and another around my chest. I felt like I was falling apart."

"By the time the episode was over I had no idea where I was. I managed to find the street name and realized I was parked across from the Marks' house and blocking someone else's driveway. It must have been fate. I wanted to break my promise because Edward had broken his. And it seemed that when I broke my promise that I could hear him again. So I crossed the lawn and asked the younger Mark boy how much he wanted for the two motorcycles on his front lawn. Nothing. So I took them and I remembered that I knew I great mechanic."

"I got directions from my dad and headed out to the reservation. When I got there Jacob greeted me enthusiastically. I had forgotten how much I really liked him. He agreed to help me fix the motorcycles, to keep it from our parents, and to let me spend my college money on parts. Things only a teenage boy would agree to," I said with a chuckle at the thought.

"Jake finished the bikes within a couple weeks and we had become fast friends. I knew he felt a little more for me but I was definitely not ready for that again. The bikes did exactly what I wanted them to. I heard Edward's voice...and I got into a lot of accidents because of it. It was kind of distracting to have someone screaming at you while you're trying to ride a motorcycle."

I paused again. Now I had to reveal the Pack's secret. I wasn't sure if I wanted to reveal it because that would mean I would have to remember. I sighed and cleared my throat for no reason other than to occupy a few seconds of the silence. I wondered if anyone was confused yet so I asked them.

"Any questions, comments, etc?"

They all shook their heads and I decided to continue on with my story. Just get it over with.

"Anyway, after a couple more weeks me and Jake decided to go to the movies with some of our friends from school. They all ended up bailing except for one. Mike Newton. So we all jammed into Jake's newly finished Volkswagen Rabbit and headed off to Port Angeles. Jake declared himself to me that night while we waited for Mike to finish puking his guts out in the bathroom. He had gotten one of those 24 flu bugs and it was hitting him hard. I didn't know what to do about Jake and I was worried about what he wanted from me."

"We ended up missing more than half of the movie and taking Mike home. On the way I noticed Jake was burning up and by the time we got back to Forks and rid ourselves of Mike, he was feeling ill too. I ws worried about him driving home but he insisted that he was fine."

I decided to skip the part where Jake had made me guess about the pack. It would only bring up questions about how I knew the information in the first place.

"That night Jake went home and phased for the first time when his dad said he looked weird. It set him off –"

"Wait! What do you mean phased?"

Edward had interrupted me. Bought time he reacted to the story. I looked at him calmly.

"Jake's a werewolf," I said simply.

The room exploded. Shouts were exchanged and Edward sat in shock. Scarlett looked at our family like they were insane. What the heck was going on?

Carlisle called for quiet and looked straight at me encouragingly, "Go on, Bella."

I smiled. What a bunch of crazies.

"Well once I found out about Jake, things basically continued on like they had. We were still best friends but now we were even closer because we knew all the secrets. Sometimes we got into fights over you all, but he knew I didn't like to talk about so he didn't bring it up too often. After a few months, things were going perfectly. Charlie was hapy that I was happy again and Jake was the reason I was happy."

"The thing about Jake was that he was always happy. I used to call him my own personal sun. Wherever he went he carried an aura of warmth and happiness with him and it affected everyone around him. He made me feel whole again. He kept me safe and warm, and he made me laugh."

"After you were gone for 10 months I figured you weren't coming back and maybe I should give Jake a chance. We went on some dates and one night we decided to try some wine."

I shook my head at the memory. How stupid and reckless we were.

"One thing led to another and we were giddy from the wine. He made love to me on the sandy beach and we woke up groggy and naked the next morning in his bed."

"Nobody found out, Billy had stayed with Sue that night and Charlie just figured I had crashed at Jake's like other times. A month later I missed my period. I feared the worst and got it. I was pregnant. I thought it was ironic that the day it was confirmed was the day to the year that you had left."

I stopped again to think about what I was going to say next. I didn't want them to think badly of me.

"Wait – you – had – a – baby?" Alice stuttered over the words.

I smiled at her and proceeded with my narrative.

"I told Jake the next day and he was ecstatic. For the next eight months my stomach expanded to unimaginable girth. I remember the first time I felt the baby kick. I was doing dishes and I felt the flutter on my right side. I pulled my hands out of the dish water and put them on my rounded stomach immediately. Jake found me like that after he was done work for the day. I stood there for an hour just feeling the baby kick. My shirt was soaked from the dish water and Jake laughed at me because I hadn't even dried my hands."

"A few months later I felt the first labour pains and Jake rushed me to the hospital. I remember as the time drew closer that I was wishing Esme were there," I told them, to her, "you always were my true mother and I wanted you to see me become one too."

"Only moments later my child was delivered into this world. Dr. Snow amused me with his enthusiasm at the time. 'It's a boy' he yelled for all the world to hear. I named him Samuel Laine and the moment he looked into my eyes I was whole again. I had thought Jacob had cured me but Samuel made my heart swell, fill, and mend all in one moment. He was my world. My sunshine."

I was having difficulty now. Tears were beginning to form in my eyes as I told them of the moments that filled Samuel's short three years. I described in detail every one of his birthdays and achievements. I remembered his first steps, words, haircut, and tooth. I took the Cullens on journey with me through those precious years with my words and I think it was more than understood that even though I missed them terribly, my son and Jacob made me happy and I would never have given them up if given the choice.

"But, Bella," Esme said, "What caused you to leave them?"

I smiled, trying to keep the pain from reaching my face. I opened my mouth to continue the story when the front door opened. Felix strode into the room and I stood in shock.

"Bella," he said.

"Felix?"

He glanced at the rest of the room's occupants and read their expressions, "It seems I am just in time. I came to support you. Jane can burn."

I smiled at his thoughtfulness. I know it didn't seem like a very compassionate proclamation, but I knew Felix. I knew how much it took him to walk away from her and everything he believed in.

I held my hand out to him. I did need him. "Thank-you, Felix," I whispered.

He took my hand and sat on the floor by my chair. I kept one hand on his shoulder as I resumed my position in the chair and his hand found my knee. I felt the comfort that he always gave me. It was the same feeling he gave me when he held me in the night as I cried over my memories.

I needed to continue. I had much to tell still. I took another deep breath.

"On Samuel's third birthday everything went right and then very wrong. The day began as many others did. For once it was not raining and the sun shone on my son and husband as they played 'wolf' together. Samuel's laughter still fills my head. My thoughts had turned to you all, but the moment he was in my arms, saying he loved mommy you were forgotten and the world righted itself again."

"I had been feeling nauseous all day and it hit me that I might be pregnant again. Jacob and I had been trying for another child. I desperately wanted a little girl. Samuel had been going to daycare and I missed him immensely during the day. I wanted to be able to stay home and raise another child. Have their laughter fill the house. I hoped for daughter. It took only minutes for me to confirm it with a simple at home pregnancy test. Jacob was once again ecstatic. Everyone at the party began to celebrate and in all the confusion no one noticed my Samuel was missing."

"The search began desperately for me. I ran towards the house, hoping against hope that he would be there. I didn't even make it to the door before Seth sent out a warning. He was the only wolf on patrol that day. It was a peaceful time. No one expected vampires to invade the area again during this generation."

"They came from the forest and Aro had Samuel. I was so overwrought that I knew I would give him whatever they wanted if only he would spare my son. They wanted me. I agreed."

"But the pack didn't. They wanted treaty, negotiation. Fools," slight venom seeped into my voice, "they thought that the Volturi would negotiate? How could they even make that connection?"

"Cauis was itching for a fight and since I was not to be given to them they declared first blood with Seth's already dead body and returned Samuel to me. Jacob screamed at us to go. We ran for the cars. The Volturi ripped the engines out and ripped the rest of the women and children to shreds."

"They piled the bodies in my home and it on fire. They forced me and Samuel to watch them kill the pack. Jane and Alec took Sam out first and then everyone gathered around to take the rest out. Jacob was last. Demetri killed him. I don't remember if I screamed as I watched them kill him, but I remember the sound of his torn flesh and I remember Samuel crying out to his father."

I tried to collect myself. I didn't want to cry in front of them. I needed to keep going. This story needed to be told.

"After they killed Jacob and threw his mangled body on the fire there was no one left but me and Samuel. For a moment I had the stupid hope that they would leave my son alive. We had survived thus far so why not? How stupid I was. Aro ripped Samuel from my arms and broke his little neck right before my eyes. I watched his blood soak the ground and the only thing I knew was that I wanted to die. If I could have I would have run for the cliffs and jumped without a second thought."

I couldn't help it. The tears came. Felix held onto my knees like he knew how badly I wanted to curl up into my little ball and forget the world. I felt the cold liquid venom seep from my eyes onto my face and fall into my lap. Esme got up and approached me, holding out her arms as if to hold me.

I put my hands up indicating that she shouldn't. I would have loved nothing more than to sink into her embrace again and cry my heart out, but I wasn't done with my story yet. She acquiesced and went back to her place by Carlisle. I felt kind of bad about rejecting her kindness, but I knew I had to finish.

I got myself together slightly, even though the tears continued to fall silently onto my curled hands in my lap.

"I fainted. I didn't reawaken. So they changed me. I do remember the change, but because I had already been through so much pain I really don't recall it hurting all that much. Felix says I didn't even twitch the whole time. They would have thought me dead if they couldn't have heard my heart still beating and then hear it die."

"What they most certainly didn't expect after they began the change was the miscarriage. My body was no longer compatible for child bearing and it expelled the child. Felix says it was a girl. I named her Renesmee."

"From the moment I woke up they always kept me in one room and if ever I wanted to go somewhere Felix had to go with me. They kept me constantly thirsty so that even though I didn't want to I had almost no resistance to hunting humans. They often brought them to me so I had no other choice."

"So for the past four years I have lived with the Volturi. This is my first mission and it will be my last. I am not going back and the 'masters' already know it."

I finished the story. I noticed it was dark outside and still raining. A long time had passed while I struggled to tell my story. And now I had to face the questions, comments, and emotions of eight vampires. I didn't count Felix, because I already knew what he felt and thought.

I prayed that I could withstand it and that Samuel and Jacob could see me now. That they could give me the strength to withstand it all.

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**A/N:** Wow! That took me two days to write. Almost 4000 words....sweet. Let me know what you think by clicking the little green button. And is anyone interested in an Edward POV chapter? I've been considering it. Let me know.

CLICK IT


	13. Family

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine_

**Chapter 12: Family**

I believe that we all know it when we find our place in the world. In that place there is unconditional love. There is hope, comfort, warmth. There is family.

I had found my place a long time ago only to have it disappear like a chug boat into the mist. Then I had found it again only to have taken from me by the bloodthirsty. And now, it seemed like I was home again. Rosalie had been right about that. I was surrounded by my family. There was comfort. There was warmth. And there was unconditional love.

Too bad the silence was getting awkward. My family was staring at me like I had grown another head or something. Felix was at my knee, still staring at the floor. Maybe he was remembering those fateful days himself.

I suddenly felt exhausted. Even though there was no way I could sleep ever again I suddenly felt like I needed the release that sleep often brings to the troubled. Not that it would help me anyway, I thought with a sniff. It never kept my troubles away before. It just made them all the more real in my nightmares.

Carlisle had stood and faced the window while I was contemplating these things. Now he turned to me, studying me. I expect he saw the exhaustion present in my eyes because his next words were practically a godsend.

"Bella, how would you like to take a break? I know this has been difficult for you to share with us and I think you are more than deserving of a reprieve." He paused uncertainly, "I also know that you do not plan to return to the Volturi, so I would like to make you an offer." Again a pause, "We have plenty of room here and you need somewhere to at least keep some of your things. But, we would like it if you stayed with us, for however long you need, or want to."

Tears filled my eyes again. I wanted nothing more than to be with them. Now my family was welcoming me home with open arms and all I wanted to do was jump into those arms. So I did.

I couldn't speak for fear of revealing how much I depended on them already again. So I simply nodded my head. Almost everyone in the room let large smiles grace their perfect features. Almost everyone.

Edward did nothing but continue to stare at me.

It was very weird. That's the only word I could think of to use. He was barely showing any emotion to my reappearance, story, not even me living in the same house as him. It was just weird.

Esme stood up and took her place next to Carlisle. Everyone seemed to take this as a cue to break up the small gathering. Felix rose gracefully from his place by my knee and held out his hand for me to join him. I took it gratefully. Not that I needed his help to stand, I just wanted some form of comfort, contact, anything to keep from sinking into despair as I watched Edward and Scarlett leave the room together arm in arm. Rosalie and Emmett had retreated to the kitchen where I could hear them both laughing quietly. Alice and Jasper still sat in the loveseat. They were curled up together, just staring into each others eyes.

Even though my family was here, ever present once again, and Felix was holding my hand, I felt completely alone in the world once again. And to top it all off I was exhausted. I felt my mind go blank. I wanted nothing more than to sit and stare at photo of my beloved Samuel for hours.

"Bella?"

I pulled myself out of my trance. Esme was saying something but I couldn't quite hear or comprehend the words coming like wind chimes from her perfect lips.

"What?" I said stupidly. And quite rudely I must admit.

She smiled at my lack of response but didn't seem offended by rude behaviour.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to put your things away. I have the perfect room for you on the second floor. It's just down the hall from Alice and Jasper and the colour is perfect for you."

I was unsure how to respond to the colour statement. "Uh, sure, that sounds good."

She smiled at me again and turned, indicating that I should follow her. Felix started after me, but I shook my head at him, telling him with my eyes that I loved him but I needed to be alone again. He sighed and let go of my hand reluctantly.

Esme led me up the main staircase to the second floor. I noted that the stairs continued up for another flight. I vaguely wondered if Edward still preferred the third floor.

We passed three or four doors before Esme opened an ornately carved one at the end of the hallway. She stood back and motioned for me to go on in. I hefted my luggage slightly as I squeezed through the door with it. I set it on the floor and got my first good look at my new room. I understood why Esme said the colour would be perfect for me.

It was green.

My breath hitched slightly. It wasn't just green. It was home. It was Forks. It was the leaves, trees, plants, lichens. It was too green, I thought with a smile, remembering my long ago impressions of my favourite town in the US.

I had been silent too long. I could tell from the way Esme's face creased with a slight frown. I felt kind of bad again.

"Don't worry," I was quick to reassure, "I love it. It reminds so much of home."

"This is your home, Bella. For as long as you need it, need us. This is your home. I'll leave you to get unpacked. Feel free to do whatever you want with the place."

And then she was gone. I sighed and looked around at the room's accessories. There was a grand four poster bed covered in brown and cream blankets and pillows. It looked very comfy and whimsical with the sashes draped over the top. The bed was a dark stained hard wood and the bureau that was across the room matched it, as did the two night stands and full length mirror. The dark wood, brown and cream accents fit the colour of the room exquisitely.

I could see that there was a large closet beyond the bureau. I would have to put the few pieces of clothing I did have in there. I guess I could always get Alice to take me shopping, I thought with a bit of unease.

It didn't take me long to unpack my one suitcase and bag. I spread the many pictures of my family around the room, making a note to get pictures of the Cullens for the place too. I would need one of Felix too. My meagre wardrobe didn't even fill up one eigth of my available closet space.

When I was done, I was still mentally exhausted, so I collapsed on my new bed and stared at the cloth covering the top of it. I let my thoughts carry me away. Back to Forks. Back to Samuel. Back to Jacob. And back to an Edward that actually loved me.

I couldn't complain though, because I had my family again, and that's all that mattered. I had comfort, warmth, unconditional love and family. And for the first time in a long time, I had hope.

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**A/N**: Definitely not 4000 words but I needed to give you something so here it is. Next chapter will be Edward's POV. So show me how badly you want it and click that little green button.


	14. Falling Star

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine. Samuel is. And so is Scarlett. Props to Stephanie Meyer, I don't know how she does it._

**Chapter 13: Falling Star**

Edward POV

Having Bella in my life had been the purpose of my existence. Without her I had nothing. Eight years of pain, sorrow and nothingness. Eight years. I often wondered if she had moved on and the thought never crossed my mind that I should move on. Until Scarlett came along I had no one. I couldn't even talk to my family without hearing their wishful or accusatory thoughts.

When Scarlett joined our family she instantly befriended me and I stupidly thought that maybe she loved me. But I know now that was never the case. Back when I thought she loved me, the very idea of loving someone other than Bella figuratively reignited the burn I felt during the change. But, Scarlett did make a difference in our lives. She brought our family closer together again, even though it would never be the same. She gave us laughter and love for one another. She helped us to begin our healing journey.

Although my healing journey never began. It never would without my Bella by my side. Scarlett just made life a little more bearable.

I sat at my piano. I hadn't lifted the cover on the keys in so long. But today I felt like playing again. I knew it was because she was so near. Because she had come back to me, to her home.

We had been out hunting because we knew we would have to go on the prowl for newborns shortly. We wanted our strength to be unstoppable. In the middle of stalking my prey, Alice's vision had come to me. The Volturi had arrived at our home and we needed to get back as soon as possible. After rounding up Rosalie and Emmett, we ran home.

The wind was blowing towards us and the scent that met us on the edge of our lawn was both delicious and disgusting. There were the scents of five vampires. Three of the scents were assaulting my nose, causing it to wrinkle in disgust, then there was one that was pretty unremarkable, but mixed in with these were the overpowering smells of freesias, vanilla, and strawberries.

The last scent was coming from the small figure curled up by the rear end of the car. Even from that distance I could hear her quiet, anguished sobs. My emotions took me by surprise upon hearing that sound. All I wanted to do was run to the small creature and take it up in my arms. Sooth it, love it, make it all better.

I was still stunned when Emmett began striding across the lawn. His thoughts were determined; he _was_ going to find out what was wrong. I followed Alice and Rosalie in his wake. We reached the same place where he stood before the figure only seconds later. My continually paralyzed mind did not allow me to read what was going through Emmett's head, but I'm sure if I had been able to think straight I would have realized who was seated on the ground much sooner than he had. But because I couldn't think or comprehend I was once again stunned when he blurted out her name.

"Bella?"

She had looked up at him, tears still making their way down her face, seemingly unsurprised by Emmett's invasion into her space. She had stood carefully and wiped her tears away. She responded to his hug with a quiet desperation. And then Emmett drew her attention to us.

When she stepped around him, she was everything I ever knew, but more so. She was beautiful. She was brave. She was shy. But, she wasn't blushing. She wasn't stumbling. She wasn't human. She was me.

I barely heard her greeting. My mind was drawing a blank for the first time in my life and I had no idea what to do. Alice and Rosalie both hugged her. I stood there for a second before I realized I should do something. I made myself move forward. I found her eyes. And I felt shock again. They were bright red. I stupidly held out my hand for her to shake when all I really wanted to do was take her in my arms and beg for forgiveness.

The feeling of her skin on mine sealed for eternity what she now was for me. Her flesh was paler than it ever had been and it was no longer warm, but the same temperature as mine. It lasted for but a second and then I couldn't handle it anymore. I turned and went into the house. I reached the living room in two strides and joined in the planning that was going on. I tried desperately to ignore the thoughts of those around me as I threw my self into the mechanics of the coming attack.

I was hyper aware of Bella standing at the door, but I was trying to convince myself that that wasn't Bella. That wasn't my beautiful, blushing Bella. Standing there. Watching us. It wasn't her.

But it was all of no use. I couldn't say that she wasn't Bella, because she very obviously was.

When our meeting broke up only minutes after I had joined in I almost groaned in disappointment, but caught myself just in time. I didn't want them to think badly of me. I didn't want Bella to think badly of me.

Scarlett was practically screaming at me in her mind. 'WHO IS THAT?' 'IS THAT BELLA?' 'EDWARD, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?'

I ignored her and concentrated only on Bella. Jane was now trying to get her to join them on a hunting trip and she was adamantly refusing. She confidently told them she would never kill another human and that she was never going back to the Volturi. Jane smirked like she had actually heard a good joke and left Bella to fend for herself.

She stood with her back to us for a few seconds before her shoulders lifted in a heavy sigh and fell again. I was mesmerized by the simple motion. I stared at her as she turned gracefully to face everyone. Her eyes fell on Scarlett first. She studied her for a minute or so, obviously curious. I could hear Scarlett getting uneasy with the not so subtle once over and watched her eyes narrow slowly. Bella finally looked away. I'm certain her cheeks would have been red if she were still human.

The silence was getting a little awkward and I could tell Bella was becoming uncomfortable with the eight pairs of eyes on her. I almost said something when she decided that a lame joke was in order.

"So," she said, "you guys heard the one about the lion and the lamb?"

I flinched. I couldn't help it. She must have said that to take a jab at me. I deserved it. There was no denying that. I tried to keep my face blank when she looked my way. She obviously didn't love me anymore so why should I let her know how much she still meant to me?

I could see my family glancing at me furtively as Esme welcomed Bella. I noticed that she looked hesitant as our mother figure approached her but relaxed and sagged into the embrace as Esme held her.

We then gathered in the living room with Bella seated between our parents. She looked around at everyone and her eyes fell on Scarlett again.

"Who's that?" she blurted out. I almost smiled at her curiosity. She always was too damn inquisitive for her own good. Everyone laughed with her before Carlisle offered any form of explanation.

"Bella, this is Scarlett. She joined us three years ago as a newborn."

Bella continued to study Scarlett for a moment before my new sister gave her a small smile. Bella hurried to return the smile, obviously not wanting to be rude. I tensed when Alice went rigid on her chair a moment later. I followed her vision and relaxed. It was Bella and Scarlett hunting together. Scarlett was showing her the ropes and they were laughing together. Good. They would be friends.

I noticed Bella grimace when Alice told everyone what she had seen. She didn't want to be friends? Or was she leaving soon so there was no point? The thought of her leaving pierced me through like a hot fire poker.

She seemed to notice Jasper and got up to greet him. They shared a little joke at which everyone smiled, but I was too in awe of Bella to even hear the words spoken between them. Jasper hugged Bella back when she threw her arms around him with some enthusiasm. I felt jealousy rip through me. She was happy to see everyone but me and everyone got a hug. No love for Edward. Ha. Like I deserved her love.

My family was eager to hear everything that had happened to Bella. Their thoughts were completely centered on her. It was hard for me to block it out and try to concentrate on the words that she spoke. It wasn't difficult when she began by addressing her words to me.

"When you left me in the forest I tried to follow you," she spoke softly, looking directly at me, "But after a while I figured it was hopeless. I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I was lost and it was nearing night time. I lay on the forest floor. I couldn't think, couldn't process anything. I couldn't even understand the fact that there were people looking for me even though I could hear them calling my name over and over again."

My heart would have been bleeding if it actually existed. What had I done to her? I thought I had been leaving her safe behind me, away from me. Instead I had almost killed her. I thought she would have been safe on that clearly marked trail. Of course she tried to follow me. Damn it all.

But she was speaking again. Weaving her words perfectly. I listened, captured like a fly in a spider's web. I hoped she was a clever spider. She could keep me forever if she wanted. Her story weaved through me as did the reactions of my family. Shock, awe, embarrassment, fear, grief, all of them hitting me so strongly as she told her story. The feelings were increased tenfold as they hit Jasper. He had to keep an almost indifferent attitude to her story so that we wouldn't affect him and he wouldn't affect us and so on and so forth. I listened to his struggle subconsciously as Bella's story surrounded me.

I did try to keep my cool but when she spoke of Jacob 'phasing' I had to confirm my worst fear.

"Wait! What do you mena phased?" I exclaimed. Oops. I reacted. Bad idea.

She looked directly at me with a slight smirk and simply said, "Jake's a werewolf."

My family went crazy while I sat in shock at Bella's statement and their reactions which were being multiplied tenfold by their thoughts. They were mostly incredulous but also angry. With me. For leaving her with the wolves. Yeah like I could have seen that coming, that was Alice's job, not mine. But I had told her not to watch for Bella and so she hadn't.

Carlisle finally calmed the family down and Bella continued with her story as though there had been no interruption. I listened closely, completely enraptured by her the chiming sound of her voice as she wove a horrid story for me.

She had been married to Jacob Black. A dog? She made love with him? Held him? Had his child? I wanted to puke. If I could. This was the ultimate betrayal, I thought blankly, but then thought, she wasn't betraying you idiot, you left her to move on and that's exactly what she did. Pain was consuming me. I tried to keep my expression impassive, but I wasn't fooling my family. They could see my conflict raging and their compassionate thoughts did nothing to help me.

Bella continued with the story, detailing almost every minute of her life with Jacob and her son, Samuel Laine, she had named him. I thought it was a beautiful name. I'm sure her son had been beautiful, just like her.

"He was my world. My sunshine," she said

My heart would have been growing simply with the affection in her voice. I could have loved him too. I did love him. Because Bella loved him. Heck, I even loved Jacob. He had taken care of her when I did not and he loved her when I should not have.

I could tell Bella's narrative was beginning to take its toll on her. Her eyes were filled with tears again and I knew it would only be a matter of time before they spilled over. She continued to tell us all about Samuel, his first steps, words, haircut, and tooth. My family was in complete awe and they were in love with the boy too. They wished to meet him. In a pause where Bella tried to get herself together, our mother voiced a question in all of their thoughts.

"But, Bella," Esme said, "What caused you to leave them?"

She smiled lightly at the question but no one was fooled as the pain took over her featured only a moment later. Emmett was about to ask her to go on when the front door of the house burst open. It had to be said that Bella's story was completely a distraction that none of us had heard him coming.

"Bella," was all he said.

Bella stood up in shock, "Felix?" she questioned uncertainly.

He looked around at all our faces and came to a few conclusions, "It seems I am just in time. I came to support you. Jane can burn."

His words meant almost nothing to the others in the room. It wasn't a very compassionate proclamation, but for someone like me who could see his mind, it meant a great deal. I saw how much he cared about Bella and in the instant that his mind found the right part of the story I knew what had happened to Bella's family. I tried to keep it together, only Jasper looked sideways at me as I felt myself drift into despair.

Felix joined Bella, sitting at her feet, his hand on her knee in a gesture of comfort. I listened to the rest of her story, already knowing what would happen.

"On Samuel's third birthday everything went right and then very wrong. The day began as many others did. For once it was not raining and the sun shone on my son and husband as they played 'wolf' together. Samuel's laughter still fills my head. My thoughts had turned to you all, but the moment he was in my arms, saying he loved mommy you were forgotten and the world righted itself again."

Her voice was wishful. She still wanted that. I didn't blame her. I wanted her to have it.

"I had been feeling nauseous all day and it hit me that I might be pregnant again. Jacob and I had been trying for another child. I desperately wanted a little girl. Samuel had been going to daycare and I missed him immensely during the day. I wanted to be able to stay home and raise another child. Have their laughter fill the house. I hoped for daughter. It took only minutes for me to confirm it with a simple at home pregnancy test. Jacob was once again ecstatic. Everyone at the party began to celebrate and in all the confusion no one noticed my Samuel was missing."

"The search began desperately for me. I ran towards the house, hoping against hope that he would be there. I didn't even make it to the door before Seth sent out a warning. He was the only wolf on patrol that day. It was a peaceful time. No one expected vampires to invade the area again during this generation."

"They came from the forest and Aro had Samuel. I was so overwrought that I knew I would give him whatever they wanted if only he would spare my son. They wanted me. I agreed."

"But the pack didn't. They wanted treaty, negotiation. Fools," slight venom seeped into her voice, "they thought that the Volturi would negotiate? How could they even make that connection?"

"Cauis was itching for a fight and since I was not to be given to them they declared first blood with Seth's already dead body and returned Samuel to me. Jacob screamed at us to go. We ran for the cars. The Volturi ripped the engines out and ripped the rest of the women and children to shreds."

I was glad she hadn't been ripped to shreds with them.

"They piled the bodies in my home and it on fire. They forced me and Samuel to watch them kill the pack. Jane and Alec took Sam out first and then everyone gathered around to take the rest out. Jacob was last. Demetri killed him. I don't remember if I screamed as I watched them kill him, but I remember the sound of his torn flesh and I remember Samuel crying out to his father."

And so her savior had been killed right in front of her. He had loved her with all his heart and this is what he got for it? I was incredulous. How could whatever God there was let something so horrific just happen? I was even more sure now that there was no God.

"After they killed Jacob and threw his mangled body on the fire there was no one left but me and Samuel. For a moment I had the stupid hope that they would leave my son alive. We had survived thus far so why not? How stupid I was. Aro ripped Samuel from my arms and broke his little neck right before my eyes. I watched his blood soak the ground and the only thing I knew was that I wanted to die. If I could have I would have run for the cliffs and jumped without a second thought."

She broke down. Sobs ripped through her small frame. Felix held onto her knees as her body rocked back and forth with her cries of anguish. We watched her let it go for a minute. All of us dying a little inside as we lived through the moments with her again. What had I done? I should never have left.

She pulled herself together. Esme approached her. Her mind set on holding her daughter and letting her cry for as long as was needed. Bella's hands came up in a slight shield and Esme stopped. She understood. Bella wasn't finished yet.

"I fainted. I didn't reawaken. So they changed me. I do remember the change, but because I had already been through so much pain I really don't recall it hurting all that much. Felix says I didn't even twitch the whole time. They would have thought me dead if they couldn't have heard my heart still beating and then hear it die."

"What they most certainly didn't expect after they began the change was the miscarriage. My body was no longer compatible for child bearing and it expelled the child. Felix says it was a girl. I named her Renesmee."

Esme and Rosalie both began to heave small dry sobs. This was hurting them too. Alice sat completely still, her eyes only on Bella, her body sagging.

"From the moment I woke up they always kept me in one room and if ever I wanted to go somewhere Felix had to go with me. They kept me constantly thirsty so that even though I didn't want to I had almost no resistance to hunting humans. They often brought them to me so I had no other choice."

What monsters. They gave her no choice? How could they do that to one of their own? It was a horrid way for someone, especially a vampire to live.

"So for the past four years I have lived with the Volturi. This is my first mission and it will be my last. I am not going back and the 'masters' already know it."

The silence in the room was deafening as Bella finally raised her head and acknowledged that there was more than just herself here. Tears still tracked their way down her face and fell into her lap. I wanted nothing more than to wipe those tears away, to hold her, to love her.

Pain and regret were the only things that filled my mind. And it was not only my own pain and regret. My whole family was feeling exactly like I did.

Everyone stared at her. Some in awe. Some in fear. We had no idea what to expect from her. Carlisle stood and looked out the window reflectively. I forced myself to listen to the conflict raging in his mind. He wanted Bella to stay with us, but was afraid of her rejection and even her possible anger. He decided to ask anyway and turned to her.

"Bella, how would you like to take a break? I know this has been difficult for you to share with us and I think you are more than deserving of a reprieve." He paused uncertainly, "I also know that you do not plan to return to the Volturi, so I would like to make you an offer." Again a pause, "We have plenty of room here and you need somewhere to at least keep some of your things. But, we would like it if you stayed with us, for however long you need, or want to."

Bella's eyes filled with tears again. She was grateful but she didn't want to betray her emotions. She simply nodded her acquiesce. Everyone smiled, but I couldn't bring myself to form any sort of expression. I continued to stare at her.

Esme stood to take her place by Carlisle's side and everyone else took it as their cue to break up the little gathering. Rosalie and Emmett retreated to the kitchen. Jasper joined Alice on the couch. Carlisle and Esme continued a quiet discussion as Felix helped Bella up from her chair. He put an arm around her in comfort. I felt my own arm grabbed and sighed as I allowed myself to be dragged from the room by Scarlett.

Scarlett had confronted me, asking a billion questions that I only answered because I was running on auto pilot. My mind, and my heart, were really with Bella. I listened for her and Esme as they discussed her room, as Esme led her up the stairs, as she exclaimed her pleasure with the décor, and finally as she was left alone for the first time since coming here.

Her room was directly below my own. I could hear her moving about, putting her things away. I heard her small gasp as she opened the closet doors. Another thing Alice insisted on in every house. Though why the guest bedroom needed a huge closet I never would understand. I didn't really take notice when Scarlett left the room in frustration.

I had walked out of my room on the third floor and down the stairs. I contemplated going to see Bella but decided against it. Why would she want to see me anyway? I sighed.

Now I was staring at the dust on my piano. I lifted the lid on the keys and stroked them lightly. It had been so long since I had played. I had lost all reason and motivation when I left Bella and I hadn't played again. Now she was here again and all I wanted to do was play. I pressed down lightly on one of the keys and felt the sound course through me. It was a delicious feeling and I let the reverberation fill my entire being.

The notes began to pour forth from the instrument as my fingers found the right keys the first song that came to my mind was Esme's. I let the song wash over me and fill the house with the warmth and love that Esme always made us feel. I could hear my family behind me. They were coming down in pairs and singles, incredulous for the most part that I was actually playing again. I don't know when she came down the stairs, or why, but all I remember was that I was somehow playing her lullaby again and she heard it. When I was finished I was startled by her soft voice behind me.

"It still makes me feel loved, Edward, but you don't have to pretend."

I turned to stare at my beautiful Bella. Her eyes were on me and staring straight through my soul. There was no doubt that she could see everything that I felt for her, was there? Her eyes darkened slightly as she looked at my fingers poised over the piano, answering my question without a word. Yes, she could doubt. Without a doubt.

**A/N:** 4200 words! Oh my goodness! Well I hope you liked it. I tried with Edward, I really did. I hope it wasn't too repetitive, I know I hate repetition in stories so I tried to keep it to a minimum. Well let me know how you liked it.

Click the little green button. Please?


	15. Dependence

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine…_

**Chapter 14: Dependence**

Back to Bella POV

I was still staring up at the top of my bed when I was startled by a light knock on my door. I was too mentally exhausted to even think about answering. All I wanted to do was curl up into a little ball and stay that way for a while. I didn't want to have to think anymore. I didn't want to think. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to live. If this was living, this constant pain and sorrow, then I didn't want to live.

By now I had forgotten about the knock on my door, so I was surprised when I noticed Scarlett standing beside my bed. I looked at her for the longest time, not really comprehending that she was waiting for me to say or do something.

I found my voice, "Um…hi."

Lame. I am lame. But she smiled readily enough, so I figured I was forgiven for my confused greeting.

"Hi to you too!" she said, "Whatcha doing?"

Ugh. Why couldn't she leave me alone? I just wanted to be alone. Again.

"Um, I'm staring up at my bed top, contemplating death."

Her brow creased delicately and her eyes flashed knowingly. The flash of intuition was gone within seconds and was replaced by a serious expression.

"It's not worth it, Bella. Why would you kill yourself when you have so much?"

I sighed. I guess I was being selfish. I mean I had the Cullens again and that was enough for anyone. I shouldn't even be thinking about leaving them that way. I shuddered lightly and turned my attention back to Scarlett.

She was staring at a picture hanging on the far wall. It was one of the whole pack. I had it blown up to almost poster-size proportions and it hung in a beautifully ornate frame that had been sitting in my new closet. She studied it for a while before turning back to me. Her eyes were once again curious and were begging to question me about the photo. I got up from the bed with a sigh and joined her beside the huge snapshot.

I smiled at her in what I hoped was encouragement and she grinned delightedly when she realized she could ask her questions. She pointed to one of the figures on the outside and asked me who it was.

"That's Leah. She was the only female to carry the werewolf gene in the whole history of the pack. She hated it too because she thought she would never be able to live a normal human life, even if she did stop phasing."

Scarlett thought about it and then pointed to two figures in the middle, "Is that Sam?"

"Yes," I replied, "Sam and Jacob."

"Sam was the alpha right?"

"Yes, Sam was the Alpha. And Jacob was the Beta. He was supposed to be Alpha, but he didn't want it so he let Sam keep it."

"Jacob was very handsome. They are all very handsome."

I smiled at the memory. "Yes they were all really good looking. Most girls would have been hyperventilating if they were all in the same room together. Of course they might have passed out from the heat first," I added with a light laugh.

Scarlett laughed with me. For the next few minutes she asked questions about the pack and wanted to know all their names. I told her willingly. It felt good to share it with someone. Felix had never asked me questions like she did and the release it gave felt amazing. Now I knew why we were destined to be friends.

"Can I see a picture of Samuel?" she asked quietly.

I nodded mutely and handed her the one on my bedside table. I watched her expression soften as she studied my little boy. There was something in her expression I couldn't quite define. She looked up and found me watching her. She smiled sadly.

"I had a little boy too, once. His name was Aaron. He was my whole world. His father left when he was two and never came back. I raised him on my own for three more years. We were on our way home from the movies one night when they attacked. They killed him and changed me. I'll never forget the pain of watching him die in the hands of the undead. Hands that look very much like my own do now."

I stared at her in amazement. How could she have known what was in my head? My exact thoughts were spilling from her mouth. She knew exactly what it was to lose a son and a husband. I don't know when my tears started, but she put her arms around me and together we sobbed quietly. I was thankful to have found my kindred spirit, and I think she was too.

After we had quieted, we both looked at each other and giggled at the absurdity of it all. Then we burst out laughing because we were thinking the same thing. I reached out and hugged her spontaneously and she responded with even more enthusiasm.

Once our laughter had died down we were able to hear the soft notes of a piano playing downstairs. I recognized the melody immediately, it was Esme's favourite. I listened quietly for a moment and when I turned to see if Scarlett was listening too I saw her sitting in shock, staring at the door of my room.

"Scarlett what is it?" I questioned, somewhat panicked by her state.

"He's playing."

"And?"

Her eyes found mine, "He hasn't played since they left Forks. He hasn't even looked twice at the piano."

"So?"

"He's playing for you Bella."

Okay, now I thought she was crazy. Why on earth would Edward being playing Esme's favourite for me? I voiced my thoughts, but before Scarlett could answer me the melody floating through the house changed and morphed into something more sorrowful, passionate and soothing. He was playing my lullaby. Okay now he was playing for me. Maybe.

I stood quietly and edged towards the door. I wasn't sure if I should go downstairs. What if he didn't want to see me? What if he didn't even want me to be here? What if he didn't love me anymore? I turned to my new friend as the hopelessness of it all filled me. She studied my torn expression for a moment.

"Go to him."

"But what if he doesn't want me?" I pleaded.

I felt pathetic. I didn't know what to do. And if I figured that out I wouldn't know what to say. And if I figured out what to say I didn't know how he would react. I don't think I could take it if he didn't want me. It would be worse than the last time, but then I would leave. I promised myself that if he didn't love me then I would leave him alone for good. I would leave.

"He does want you, Bella. Just go to him. He loves you more than anything else in this world."

I couldn't believe her words. I would have to hear it from him. I would have to feel it to know it. My old friend, hope, came creeping back in. I squashed it out like a bothersome fly. There was no point in having hope if there was none to be had in the first place.

I squared my shoulders and walked out of my bedroom. I took my time wandering down the hall and stairs, looking at all the family photos and artwork. I paused at a painting of a young girl in a white dress. I stared at her for a long time, before I realized that it was supposed to be me. The style of the painting dated back to the 1900s. I looked like someone straight from that era. You could hardly tell it was me, except for the slightly fuller upper lip and the look of intuition in my eyes. I was curious as to who had painted it but when I searched for a signature on the piece there wasn't one. I shrugged and moved away down the stairs.

I could hear the last notes of my lullaby playing as I passed Esme and Carlisle on the stairs. They were talking in whispers about Edward's sudden interest in playing again. I heard them say my name. They barely saw me as they hurried by.

I made my way to the entrance of the living room. He was sitting at the piano. His fingers drifted delicately over the keys and the richness of the melody overwhelmed me. I felt tears form in my eyes. How could he not love you? my conscience argued with my negative side. I pushed the thought away and studied his figure. He was every inch as beautiful as I remembered, but my clear human memories left much to be desired now that I could see him with the clarity of my improved vision. His muscles showed clearly through his knitted sweater and the tendons of his fingers stretched magnificently as his hands played over the keys. His hair was in the usual messy disarray and I marveled at the beautiful colour of it once again. His pale skin showed no signs of hunting in the last few weeks and that worried me for some reason.

The last strains of the piano faded into the silence that was overwhelming in this large house. Edward pulled his hands away from the keyboard and sat with his head bowed, not really seeing anything, not seeing me.

I felt whole again with him near me. I had thought that my life with the pack had been enough, had healed me, but now I knew that the only thing, the only person who could actually make me complete again, was Edward. But he didn't want me anymore; I thought dejectedly, he's only playing that song to taunt you. I wasn't angered by the idea. As long as he was near me that was enough. I didn't need him to love me too. I decided to draw his attention to my presence.

"It still makes me feel loved, Edward," I said, "but you don't have to pretend."

He turned to look at me, obviously surprised by my being there. His eyes flashed with some emotion that I couldn't quite identify. For a moment I thought it was love. Then it morphed into many more emotions until I had to look away from his golden orbs to be able to think properly. I stared at his fingers that were once again poised over the piano. There was no way he could still love me, I told myself firmly, he left you.

I squared my shoulders slightly and took a few steps closer to the piano. I wanted only to reach out and touch his perfect face. He watched my every movement, almost as if he were memorizing the way I walked. I stopped a few feet away from him, wondering if he was ever going to respond to my statement. It didn't seem like it. I decided a lie would be worth it to hear him speak.

"I was just looking for Felix. Have you seen him?"

Edward stared at me for a moment, and then his face morphed into a helpful smile. It took my breath away, that small smile. I regained my composure before he could notice.

"He's upstairs in a bedroom across the way from you. He's worried about you."

His voice was the velvet I remembered. It was glorious in its own right and it was the voice of an angel, my angel. How badly I wanted to keep him speaking to me. Just to hear his voice.

"Oh," I said lamely, "Yeah, I guess he would be worried. Um, so, how have you been? Anything exciting happen in the last few years?"

Okay, stupid question, but what else was I supposed to ask the god like creature in front of me.

He looked sideways at me and began playing softly on the piano. It wasn't a song I recognized. He turned to look at me while his fingers continued on over the keys.

"Nothing to thrilling," he said darkly, but then his voice lightened, "except for Scarlett coming around there hasn't been much at all happening with our family. We started high school again. It's as boring as ever. Rosalie and Emmett are in college again, and they're planning their next wedding. Jasper and Alice are already talking about their next one."

He was rambling, but I didn't care. I loved the sweet sound of his voice. It washed over me like a soothing mother's voice. I felt calm and collected, but at the same time despair was crushing me and I couldn't bring myself to tell him I loved him. Oh, how I loved him!

"Esme and Carlisle both have jobs here. Esme is an interior decorator for the wealthier families in Britain and Carlisle is working at the local hospital. So far no one seems suspicious of us. We have a good life here."

The last notes of the song drifted gracefully into the air. Edward removed his hands from the keys and turned to look at me. I met his eyes and looked away. I didn't like the curiosity I still saw there and I know he didn't like the colour of my eyes.

"That's a new piece," I said, "What's it called?"

He smiled slightly, "I wrote that one for Scarlett, it's the first time I ever actually played it. I couldn't bring myself to touch the piano ever since we left Forks. It reminded me too much of you."

My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't help but hope he was saying what I thought he was saying. I didn't know what to say to him, so I said nothing.

His eyes were on me again, I could feel him staring at the top of my bowed head. I continued to study the carpet, not really paying attention to what he was doing. I didn't really realize he had got up from the piano bench until he was standing in front of me.

"Bella," his voice was pleading. I only wanted him to say my name again, "Bella, do you not see me? Please look at me. Don't you know how I feel about you? Can't you see what is so obvious to everyone else? I'm not the one pretending, Bella."

I looked up into his eyes. The way he said my name, and the way he was looking at me sent a thrill up my spine. I was confused by his words, hoping against hope that he meant he loved me.

Just then the negative voice decided to pop up. He doesn't love you; it said to me, he's only saying that he can't stand your presence. He can't love you anymore. He doesn't want you, remember? It's obvious to everyone else, why can't you see it?

The voice was right. He said he didn't want me anymore. And then he had left me. I could see it, that he didn't want me anymore.

Edward was staring into my unseeing eyes. I focused in on his and found nothing worth talking about. I moved away from him abruptly. I couldn't stand it. I turned to leave the room.

"Bella?" he was reaching out to me. His hand was about to make contact with my bare arm. I waited to feel his hand on me, but it didn't come. I turned back to find him and saw him on the floor half way across the room staring at me in shock.

"What was that?" he asked, completely bewildered.

I was confused, "What was what? And why are you over there?"

Edward looked from me to where he was sitting on the floors, "I don't know. One second I was reaching out to hold you back and the next thing I knew I was flying backward through the air. When I reached out it was almost as if there was a force field around you and the moment I touched it, it sent me far away from you."

He was puzzled and I was downright confused. His eyes suddenly lit up with a flash of intuition and for some reason I was nervous again. I didn't know what he had planned. He got up from the floor and walked over to me. He stopped within a two feet of where I was.

"I'm going to try again," he warned me.

Once again I didn't know what he was talking about. What was he going to try? Then it all became clear as his hand came up to make contact with my face. I didn't want him touching me. I didn't want him to pretend to care. His hand was within an inch of my face when he seemed to jump slightly before he went flying across the room.

I stared in shock before it dawned on me. He couldn't touch me. If I didn't want him to touch me, he couldn't. This gave me a kind of perverse delight. I had control. It seemed to have confirmed whatever he had been supposing as well. He stared at me in slight awe.

"You're a shield?"

Once again, confusion. What the heck was a shield?

"Um, I guess so, depending on what a shield is?" I posed it as a question.

But he didn't answer my question. Instead he strode towards the bottom of the stairs and called to Carlisle to come down. Only a moment later he was there and he looked between the two of us curiously.

"Yes?" he questioned.

"Carlisle, I think Bella is a shield. Watch this."

Edward moved towards me again. Ugh. Did he not get the clue the first couple of times? I did not want him touching me! His hand reached for my own and the very idea of the intimacy that the gesture represented repelled me…and him. He was thrown against the nearest wall by the force of whatever was keeping him from touching me. I stared at him in surprise. What the heck was going on?

"Ah," Carlisle sighed in realization, "of course. That makes perfect sense."

"What makes perfect sense?" I demanded.

I was beyond bewildered and I wanted to know what the heck was going on!

"You're a shield, Bella. You can keep things from touching you. Your shield is one of the most powerful I have ever seen already. The ability to repel the physical is a very unique gift. I am surprised that Aro never sent the potential. For if he had I am sure you would not have been allowed to leave them."

I shuddered at the thought. A shield huh? Interesting though it may be I was suddenly frightened by the power.

"I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't want it." I repeated.

"Bella, there is no giving it back or not using it. It's an automatic thing. You can't deny it. You are gifted, child," Carlisle said.

"No," I insisted, "I don't want this. They'll make me go back! Don't you see? They'll make me go back. I don't want to go back! I don't want this!" I was pleading with him.

"Bella, they can't make you do anything you don't want to do," Carlisle said while approaching me, "You won't let them, and we won't let them. Do you understand?"

I nodded hopelessly. I knew that the Cullens would never be able to defend me against the Volturi. They would just be killed in the attempt, they would die. They would be wiped out. Just like the pack.

Tears began to make their way down my face again and I let out a despairing sob. Carlisle's arms wound around me tightly as I cried into his shoulder. I was probably ruining his shirt, but he didn't seem to mind. He held me close and let me blubber for a few minutes. Then he pulled me away and held me at arms length. He pushed my hair out of my face and stared into my eyes.

"Bella, you have been given a very powerful gift. You must learn to use it, to control it, because only then can you protect yourself from the Volturi and only then can you be at peace with your new life. We are here for you, Bella. We can help you."

My tears had dried up. He was right and I knew it. I looked around the room for Edward. He was gone. The despair crushed me again. Carlisle saw it.

"He loves you, Bella. You two are just confused and unsure. You have to tell him and he has to tell you, but neither of you will because you both believe the other doesn't love you."

I looked up at my father figure in awe. That was one complicated sentence, not to mention the fact that he had basically pulled my exact thoughts from my mind. I stood up from where Carlisle had held me on the floor. He followed my example and turned to leave me be. He seemed to know I needed my space. But I had one more question.

"Carlisle?"

He turned back for a moment, "Yes, Bella?"

"Who did that painting? There's no signature on it."

He didn't even seem confused by the question, like he knew exactly which painting I was talking about.

"Esme did it. She missed you Bella. You are her daughter too. And you are mine."

"Oh, well good night Carlisle."

"Good night, my daughter."

And then he disappeared up the stairs. I waited to hear his door close and then made my way up to the second floor. I stopped to stare at the painting. My mother had missed me, I thought, and that should be enough for me. I looked at the white dress I was wearing. It looked like a wedding dress. I contemplated the irrationality of the painting. If that had been me in the early1900s I would have been Edward's age. We could have lived a real life together, without the complications of him being a vampire and me being a human. Maybe we would have both died during the influenza, but at least we could have had a chance.

I moved away from the painting and made my way back to my new bedroom. I closed the door softly behind me and leaned against it. I wasn't sure what to do anymore. But I knew that everything depended on me. And it depended on Edward. And most of all it depended on our love.

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**A/N:** Well I hope you liked it. I know it's not much but I needed to give you something. So what do you think of Bella's newfound power. Love it/Hate it? Oh yeah. I forgot to mention last chapter that there was a Wuthering Heights reference. The first person to find it and send it to me I will get a sneak preview of the next chapter. If you don't get anything from me then you know you weren't the first person to find it. So good luck and don't forget to click the little green button! I (L) Reviews!


	16. NeedWant

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine._

**Chapter 15: Need/Want**

I sat in my room for a few hours before I heard someone outside my door. I ignored the presence. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone.

"Bella?"

It was Alice. Oh joy. She probably wanted to go shopping. Ew. I figured I better respond before the little pixie's wrath found me.

"Yeah?"

"May I come in?"

Since when do you ask? I thought and then told her to go ahead. She walked into the room wearing some very casual clothes. I was surprised by her appearance. Usually she goes all out when she goes shopping. She took a quick look around the room, noting all the changes and all the pictures I had put up. Her eyes rested for quite a while on the same one Scarlett had noticed and questioned me about before they fell on me.

I was sprawled across my bed reading _Wuthering Heights_ and staring up at her. She smiled down at me. I was suddenly frightened of whatever it was she wanted.

"So," she began, "we're all leaving for school now. Any chance you want to come?"

I was surprised at her question. Did I want to go to high school? Not particularly. Especially since I might gobble up everyone in sight. I didn't believe that I had the self control to do that.

"You'll be fine, Bella. I've seen it already. All you have to do is use your shield to block the smells."

She made it sound so simple. Only one problem with that plan.

"I don't know how to use my shield, Alice."

She seemed surprised at the new fact, "Oh, well that changes things then. I guess it will be better if you stay home then. Um, Esme will be here all day but we all have classes and Carlisle has a double shift at the hospital, so I guess I'll see you later. Edward is about to call for me."

She pecked me quickly on the cheek and was gone in an instant. I didn't bother to go say goodbye to everyone else. I didn't need to make their day that more stressful and awkward.

I continued to read for another hour and by the time I was on the last page I was sick of my own company. I laid the finished novel on my bedside table and made my way downstairs. Esme was sitting in the living room doing interior decorator things. She looked up from her work and smiled kindly at me.

"Did you have an okay night, dear?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess I did. My room is looking pretty good anyway, but I think the closet requires Alice's touch."

Esme laughed lightly with me before turning back to her work. I could tell she was very consumed by it so I snuck in one more question before she was completely distracted.

"Um, have you seen Felix?"

She turned to look at me, "He said he had to go back to Jane, he couldn't wait anymore, but he left you a letter on the kitchen table."

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

"No problem, darling," she whispered more to herself than to me.

I found my way into the kitchen and on the table sat the letter Felix had left for me. The little piece of stationary seemed inexplicably large as it stared back at me. I felt a huge sense of foreboding overcome me as I picked it up and ripped it open carefully.

Felix's tidy script covered half the page.

_Bella,_

_I am sorry I could not be stronger for you my friend, but the call of the Volturi is too powerful for me to resist. You know this. I know that something happened between you and Edward last night and I sincerely hope it is for the better. We have broken our agreement with the Cullens. We do not need their assistance in taking care of the newborns any longer. Jane spoke to me over the phone last evening and said Aro has sent others to assist us instead. I think this was one of clever plots, you know. I have gone to help my fellows and am probably in the act of doing so as you read this. I do not know when we will meet again, Bella, and I fear that I will not see you ever again in my existence. I will always treasure our friendship and if you are ever in need of me you know where to find me. My life will never be the same without you, Bella, because you have taught me how to live again. I know that sounds strange since you never did much living yourself in the time we have known each other, but you have taught me what is important and good. And even if I can't always choose and decide for myself, it is my own fault for being a slave for power. I will miss you, Bella. Be well._

_-Felix_

I stared dumbfounded at the letter for a few minutes. He was gone. Just like that. No goodbyes. I guess I should have expected it; Felix wasn't one for open displays of emotion or of anything else for that matter. But I would most definitely miss my friend, he had seen me through the darkness and with his letter was telling me to let go and live again.

I thought about it quite seriously. I had to let go first. And for that I needed to be alone. The decision was made quickly and I ran to Esme's side in the next second. She looked up from her work again and noted the look on my face with a sigh.

"I was hoping I would get to keep you a little longer this time, Bella, but everything happens for a reason. Let's get your things together. You can leave whatever you need to here and it will be safe with us."

I stood stock still, just marveling in the beauty that was my mother. She was strong and unselfish, and I wanted to be her. She led the way upstairs to her own room and grabbed a small suitcase for my use. She then went to her large closet and chose some clothing. When I looked at her questioningly she answered that I would need some clothes. I shrugged. She was right.

After she was done that task, she walked down the hall to my room and laid the half-filled suitcase on my bed. She looked around the room casually and then looked at me expectantly.

"What else do you need, Bella?" she questioned.

I surveyed my few belongings and quickly grabbed a few pictures of Sam, Jacob and I, Jacob's old sweater and Sam's baby blanket. I sighed when I realized I didn't have any pictures of Felix. Maybe I would stop in Volterra and get one. I didn't know I was already planning where to go. I thought about all the places I wanted to visit while Esme finished packing my suitcase. I vaguely watched her pack a picture of the Cullens, a laptop, and a new camera. Then she zipped it up and handed it to me. I took it without really thinking about what I was doing. She led me back downstairs and took a set of keys from the hook next to the door.

"Here," she said, "You'll need these. They're for the Vanquish. Be careful with the 'baby'."

I listened to her tinkling laugh, making sure I could recall the sound perfectly. Then I set down my suitcase and threw my arms around her.

"Thank you, mom."

"No problem, honey. Have a good time, and when you're ready we'll be here, or maybe we'll be somewhere else, so take this and call me every once in a while okay?"

She handed me a small silver cell phone and a small purse to keep my things in.

"There's a credit card and some identification that should carry you through as long as you use that charm of yours," she said with a wink, "And don't forget to call us okay?"

I nodded silently and she hugged me once more before opening the door for me and pointing in the direction of the garage. I threw her one last grateful smile and raced for the Vanquish with my bag in hand. After throwing my suitcase in the trunk and figuring out all the controls in the car I started the vehicle and carefully drove out of the garage.

I waved at Esme as I passed the house and sped away down the obscured driveway. I was turning the last corner when I had to stomp on the brakes to avoid an accident. I stared straight ahead at the bright yellow Porsche in front of me. The Cullen siblings were leaning against the vehicle that was parked horizontally across the road. I sighed and put my own car in park. I should have known something like this was going to happen. I had given Alice too much time. And now they were I between me and freedom.

I sighed again and threw open the car door a little too heavily. I saw the guys and Rose cringe slightly. Scarlett and Alice simply stood waiting to confront me. I walked up to them slowly, not really wanting to talk, only wanting to get going. Damn these stubborn vampires.

"So," Alice began, "you thought you were going to run away from us that easy huh?"

"I'm not running away Alice."

"No you're just leaving." Edward put in.

I don't see why he cared anyway. "Well you would know how that looks wouldn't you Edward?" I said in my favourite sickly sweet tone.

His face became stony and he went quiet. I almost smiled in victory, before I realized I didn't know how long it would be until I saw him again. The stab of pain I felt at the thought almost caused me to turn around and go back to the house. Almost.

Emmett was staring at me with his big puppy dog eyes. You must resist the brute, I told myself repeatedly.

"Bella," he began with a pleading, childish voice, "you're not really leaving already are you?"

Resist. "Yes, Emmett, I need to do this, but I promise I'll come back."

"When?" he asked in a petulant voice.

Never if you keep acting like that, I thought. "Someday. I don't even know what I'm doing or where I'm going, but I promise that I will come back. This is home after all."

He contemplated it for a minute and then pushed himself away from the vehicle with a heavy sigh. He closed the distance between us and pulled me into one of his bone crushing hugs. At least I couldn't suffocate anymore. I vaguely wished I could. I pushed the horrid thought away and told Emmett to loosen up a bit.

"Sorry, Bella. I'm just going to miss you is all. Be safe, kiddo." He said while ruffling my hair.

I smiled at him as he walked up to Rosalie and took her hand, "Let's go," he whispered in her ear. She looked up at him with a certain softness in her eyes and then looked back at me contentedly, "See you, Bella."

I nodded at her and turned to face the other four angry vampires in front of me. I figured cutting to the chase would be better.

"Look, I'm going, you can't stop me. It's not like I'll be gone forever. I'll call you and all that good stuff. So either move your car or the Vanquish is going on a bush ride."

Edward looked at his car fearfully and Jasper's mouth dropped open in surprise. Both of the girls smirked at me with slight pride. Alice shrugged and moved away from her precious Turbo. She too gave me a hug.

"Sorry for the drama, Bella. We just got you back. We don't want to lose you again."

"You won't lose me, Alice, you never did."

She studied me, "Yes, we did. You will never know."

And then she walked away, leaving me to puzzle over her comment. I didn't have long to puzzle though because Scarlett was in front of me. I smiled at her. My new friend.

"I would ask you to come with me, Scarlett, but I have to do this on my own."

She smiled back at me, "I know," she said with a light hug. And then she disappeared into the backseat of the Turbo.

Jasper simply waved at me before taking his place in the passenger seat beside Alice. I waved back and turned to the Vanquish again. I walked slowly and deliberately past Edward and got into the driver's side. The car started with a smooth purr as I turned the key in the ignition. I felt powerful. I looked up to watch Alice back her car out of the way and inch past me on the small drive.

Good, now that that was out of the way I could get going again. I looked down at the floor of the car for a split second as I studied a few that were laying there. I picked up a classical disc and popped it into the player. Clair de Lune filled the silence that had been pressing in on me. I looked up again to find Edward standing in the middle of the road, not two yards in front of the car. I growled in frustration.

"Get out of my way, Edward," I said knowing that he could hear me.

He said nothing. He didn't move. I revved the engine. He didn't do anything. I sighed and put the car in gear and pressed down on the gas. Hard. The tires spun out on the gravel road as I raced toward the spot where Edward stood. He wasn't moving. I was moving, but I wasn't about to drive off the road. I was within inches of him before he jumped straight up into the air and landed behind me on the road.

I kept going. I heard him call out to me. It took everything I had not to turn around and run into his arms. Instead I kept going until I couldn't see his silhouette anymore.

I was leaving behind everything I wanted. Everything I needed. But I needed to let go. I needed to figure out how to live on my own again. How to truly breathe on my own before I could allow anyone in. I needed to say goodbye.

As I turned onto the main highway a single tear rolled down my face. If this was freedom why the heck did it hurt so much? I wanted nothing more to be chained again.

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**A/N:** Sorry it took so long. Well no one took the challenge at the end of the last chapter so I'm guessing no one caught the _Wuthering Heights_ allusion in the Edward POV chapter. If you still want to try it go right ahead, but I'm not promising a prize this time. But let me know what you thought of this chapter. Any requests for Bella's journey on the path of rediscovery? I will consider suggestions as long as you review. Click the little green button!


	17. Journey

_Disclaimer: I only with they were mine…_

**Chapter 16: Journey**

I had no idea where I was going, but I let my heart guide me. Not that I had a heart anymore, I thought stupidly. The desire to go west was pulling me harder and harder. I reached the shores of the ocean on the opposite side of England. I stared out into the open blue waters for a long time before I realized I wasn't really getting anywhere by doing it.

But I continued to stare. The water reminded me of home, of Forks. Of La Push. Now I knew what I needed.

I spun the car around, determined to get what I wanted no matter how long it took. I drove like a maniac down the narrow roadways of Britain and arrived in London an hour later. I stopped at a roadside gas station to fill the car and ask directions to the airport. The cashier was distracted by my car.

"Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Heathrow please?"

He continued to ogle my car. It was kind of weird. I cleared my throat loudly, "Excuse me, sir?"

He finally jerked out of his trance, but went into another when he set eyes on me. I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. Was this guy incapable of speech? I stared him down as his eyes roved over my body quickly.

"Um, what?" Finally. A response. Not completely stupid then.

"Can you give me directions to Heathrow Airport please?"

"Uh, er, yeah. You just keep following this highway 'til exit 36 and then you follow that road to the airport."

"Thank-you. How much is the gas?"

"Erm," he glanced at the computer and then ogled my car a little more, "15 pounds, love."

I pursed my lips to keep from berating him for his familiarity and handed him the shiny gold credit card Esme had put in my purse. It was approved almost instantly and I felt a surge of happiness. Only a few more minutes from my first goal. I smiled politely at the possibly handicapped cashier and left the building quickly. I slid onto the sleek leather seat and in the next minute I was leaving the station in the dust.

I drove way too fast to the airport. I only took a minute to marvel at the sheer size and complexity of such a large enterprise, before I parked the Vanquish indefinitely and entered through the glass doors of the building. I searched for an open terminal and ran at human speed to the first one. I stopped just short of the desk. The attendant looked at me quizzically and then smiled widely as he took me in.

"Good afternoon," he welcomed in what he probably thought was an appealing voice, "What can I do for you today?"

I hesitated for a second. What the heck was I doing? It didn't last long. "One ticket to the United States please. I don't care where but it had better be soon."

"Very well, miss, the next available flight we have leaves in two hours and lands in Hartford, Connecticut. Will you be flying first class today?"

I thought about it. Less humans anyways. "Yes."

"Your total comes to one thousand, two hundred thirty nine, and twenty nine. How will you be paying today?"

I handed him the shiny gold card. That was some serious damage. Again it was approved almost automatically.

He handed me my ticket and said I could keep my bag as a carry on. I looked at the puny thing. Kind of shameful really. I shrugged the thought away and walked away after giving him my thanks.

I found the proper terminal and checked into my gate. I got through security without difficulty. And then I had to wait.

The time didn't pass too slowly. I stared out the window for the longest time, simply remembering. I didn't cry. I noticed a family of three to my left. The child, a boy, was staring up at me with wide eyes. I softened my features into a smile just for him. He grinned back at me and took a few unsteady steps towards me. He couldn't have been more than two. I watched him carefully, afraid he might fall. He continued to make his way towards me. His parents were keeping a close eye on him but obviously didn't mind me playing with their child.

He was right in front of me now. His face was alight with curiosity and he reached out tentatively to poke my knee. I almost laughed at his caution. He had every right to be cautious of me. Then he surprised me. He reached out and demanded, "UP!"

I looked towards his parents, careful to keep my eyes somewhat hidden. They were still strange even though I had picked up some coloured contacts. My eyes were now a startling shade of violet. The result of blue over red. His parents were considering me carefully, but the mother must have thought about it enough and she nodded to me. I let myself smile at her.

I looked back towards my new friend. He was still waiting, his arms stretched out. I smiled and slowly scooped him into my lap. His scent surrounded me but I had never felt my thirst less. It was almost gone. He grinned childishly up at me. I realized he was waiting for me to do something.

"Well, hello there little guy, what's your name?"

He giggled at me and pointed to his chest, "Sammy!"

My heartstrings tugged uncomfortably as I processed what he had said. Sammy? Tears filled my eyes as I stared at the little human in my arms. His hair was brown and curly. His skin was lightly tanned, like he was just outside for a while. His eyes were green and they studied my own. His hand reached up and touched my face where a tear had found its way out.

"No cry, pretty," he said.

I couldn't do this. I tried to pull myself together. I stood up slowly, careful to cradle Sammy so that he wouldn't fall or be uncomfortable. I walked over to his parents. They smiled up at me.

"Hello, miss. I see our son has a little crush," his father joked with a knowing sideways look at his wife.

She smiled politely at me, "He's not usually a friendly child, that's why we didn't call him back. We're trying to get him used to being more people friendly. I hope you didn't mind," She said, noting my tear-filled eyes.

"Not at all," I said using my politest voice, "Sammy and I are fast friends now," I tried not to stumble over his name.

The toddler finally seemed to notice his parents, "Mommy!" he yelled and reached for the woman who looked a lot like him.

She smiled and held her arms out to receive him. I carefully handed him over and turned to leave.

"Are you here alone?"

The woman's voice pulled me back. It took me a moment to process her question.

"Uh, yes. I'm just waiting to go home."

"Would you like to wait with us?"

I smiled at her kindness. I would like nothing more. "I'd like that a lot."

I spent the next hour talking to them and holding little Sam in my lap. He was constantly jabbering in baby language, and I listened to him carefully and responded in a way I thought he might like. I was sad when they finally called final boarding for my flight. I got up reluctantly and gave Sam one final hug. I was more resolved than ever to achieve my new goal. I had to let go. I said goodbye to his parents and thanked them for their kindness. They smiled and waved as I walked through the door to the gate.

The flight held nothing of interest for me. It was simply a few more hours of my never-ending existence wasted. I zoned out most of the time. Not really thinking. Or trying not to think anyway. I was surprised, however that my thirst hardly bothered me. I found it strange since I hadn't hunted for almost a week, and I had hunted humans last. I shivered in disgust. Never again.

When I heard the captain's voice over the intercom saying that we were about to land knots of worry began to form in my stomach. I knew what had to be done, but I was scared.

Fear is a strange emotion to have as a vampire, especially as a vampire who lost everything she ever had that was important in life. But even now it consumed me. And it continued to consume me as I exited the plane, made my way through the crowds and found a car rental centre.

I stood in front of the counter, hesitating. The kindly old man behind the desk called out to me, "Can I help you with anything, Miss?"

I found my voice, "I'm looking to rent a car," I posed it like a question.

"You're in the right place. What did you have in mind?"

I took another step towards the counter, still unsure of myself.

"Um, something that can go over state lines and can go quickly."

His right eyebrow rose slightly, but he typed something into his computer and smiled, "Well is just so happens that we have a newer Mustang available, and it can cross state lines. If you'll just give me your information we can get this show on the road."

I smiled slightly at his pun. Cute old man. I gave him everything he asked for and was in my new rental within an hour. I waited until I was out of sight of the city before gunning the engine. It was dark and I could go as fast as I wanted.

I concentrated on the road for about an hour before I realized that I needed to gas up. I pulled off the road at the next service station and had a repeat performance of the cashier in England. I wondered briefly if they were long lost brothers.

Upon exiting the building I noticed I was no longer in Connecticut. There was a glaring sign in front of me that said 'PENNSYLVANIA!' I turned right back into the gas station and bought a road map.

I sat in my car for a few minutes memorizing my route. With my photographic memory and perfect recall I would never have to look at the map again. I set it on the seat beside me and grabbed another CD off the floor. It was Muse. I popped it in and let it play without really hearing it. I was ready to go again.

The normal 2 day trip took me only twelve hours. I didn't pay attention to my speed or anything else. I don't know when the CD stopped and I don't know when I got into the right state. All I knew was that another sign was staring me in the face as I parked on the side of the road.

'Welcome to Forks'

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**A/N: **I'm sorry! I know this took forever! I've been extremely busy with school! I already know exactly what I want in the next chapter so it shouldn't take as long. Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I really appreciate your suggestions and critiques, and all of them gave me new ideas. So I have over 60 reviews now but I also have over 2000 hits. Come on people, you know you want to hit that little green button!


	18. Letting Go

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine._

**Chapter 17: Letting Go**

I got out of the car slowly. I don't know why I did. It was raining lightly, of course. The light drizzle washed away the remnants of my venomous tears and I smiled into the once hated water. I was home.

I got back into the vehicle and allowed myself to remember the way to my house. I pulled into the driveway slowly, careful that I shouldn't be noticed in the dark night. The faded gray of the once shining white siding stood ghostly in the light rain. There were no lights on in any of the nearby houses. I climbed the porch slowly and felt for the spare key. It was right where we had always left it.

My hands did not shake like they would have if I were still human. They were too steady, almost as if they didn't comprehend the fear that was assaulting the rest of me. The key clicked in the lock and the door swung open away from me. The smell of dust and mold assaulted me. I looked cautiously into the entryway. Things hadn't been touched since Charlie had died it looked like. Everything was still thrown in a haphazard fashion that only my dad could have accomplished.

I picked my way gingerly through the mess until I was in the middle of the kitchen. The smell of mold was emanating profoundly from the fridge. I held my breath and tugged it open. There were many molding things, some which were beyond recognition. I think I recognized the remnants of a brown paper bag on the top shelf – fish.

I closed the fridge door firmly and moved towards the sink. Extremely dirty dishes with moldies forming on them filled the entire basin. I groaned in disgust. Only a man. What really bugged me was that no one had cleaned out the house since he died. They must think its haunted or something.

I sighed and went to the hall closet. I was careful not to look too closely at my surroundings for fear that I would break down again. I reached into the decently clean cupboard for the cleaning supplies.

It took me the rest of that night and the next day to clean the house. I then paid a visit to the local realtor and purchased the title on my dad's house. It was mine now, even though I had no idea why I bothered. I wasn't going to stay here. I guess I just needed something to do.

I was downtown standing outside a furniture store contemplating giving the whole house a new look when an older, slightly graying man approached me. I watched his reflection warily in the window. He stood right behind me, seemingly nervous, and finally asked, "Bella?"

Crap. I hadn't planned for this. What do I do? Don't panic. That's the key. Don't panic, Bella.

I turned gracefully to face him, "Excuse me, sir, did you say something?"

"Uh…um…uh…I…just…uh…you…you…Bella?" his voice was hopeful underneath it all.

"I'm sorry, sir, my name is Elizabeth Masen. Can I help you find someone?"

He blushed lightly, "Uh, no, I'm sorry, miss, it's just that you look an awful lot like someone I knew once."

I shuddered lightly, "Oh I see. Well I'm sorry I couldn't be of anymore help."

"That's just fine young lady. It was just wishful thinking. Most everyone thinks she's dead anyway," he paused, "What'd you say your name was?"

"Elizabeth. Masen, sir."

"Oh well you must be new in town. I'm Michael Newton, I own the local hiking store down the street. Welcome to Forks. Are you okay, miss?"

I had frozen when he'd said his name. Crap. I couldn't do this. "Um…I have to go…I'm sorry sir."

I walked away from him quickly. I knew I couldn't stay here anymore. I had to leave. I paused on the sidewalk. I couldn't leave. I wasn't done yet. I stared up at my teenage home. I knew I couldn't stay here much longer. There were still too many people here who had known me. Sooner or later someone would ask way too many questions.

I re-entered the house and looked around. Everything was perfectly in place. I put my shopping on the counter. A few decorative things that I would use to replace the personal things that were in the house. I had taken almost everything down that belonged to us and packed it away in the trunk of my car. I had always known I wouldn't stay, but I just thought I had more time.

It took me less than an hour to redecorate the house and move some of the furniture in a more appealing way. I called the real estate agent gain and told her to put the house up for sale and to donate the money to a local charity. She didn't bother to argue with me. I turned my phone off with a sigh. I needed to finish things off and get out of here.

I waited for nightfall before I left my very quiet home. If I wasn't a vampire with superhuman hearing then I would have been a little creeped out by the overpowering silence.

Even though I should be used to silence by now I still have moments where I wait to hear Jacob's husky voice or Sam's delighted giggles. It was stupid really. It was as if I expected that being back in Forks could bring them back to me.

I tried in vain to keep the tears at bay while I drove towards the boundary. I only had a vague idea of where it was, so when I was sure I had crossed it I pulled the car off the road and set out on foot. I jogged quietly through the woods, simply enjoying the light smells that confronted me. I wasn't really seeing anything. It was as if my eyes refused to recognize my surroundings to spare me.

I paused when I reached the edge of the trees. A full moon shone down on the ocean and lit everything in an eerie glow. Too bad no real werewolves would be here tonight. At least they could kill me.

I hovered at the edge of the would for a moment longer and walked reluctantly towards the familiar shape of a small house. I stood a few yards away from the silhouette and breathed deeply. The house was abandoned. No fresh smell met me. I had no reason to stay.

I turned myself towards the South and ran to my next destination, keeping my eyes on the ground the entire time. I stopped when I knew I was near. I closed my eyes, raised my head and forced my lids to open. And froze.

The place where my house had once stood was now filled. A giant monument stood overlooking the ocean cliffs. Life-size figures rose from the ground in front of me. They faced one another in a half circle and looked out towards the water.

I approached the marble statues slowly. There were seven of them in all. I walked into the middle of the half circle and faced the first statue on the left.

I was looking into the faces of Leah and Seth Clearwater. Their marble imitations had their arms around each other and were laughing together like they were sharing an inside joke. My breath caught in my throat as I struggled with the emotions that overcame me as I stared at them. I turned away. To the next statue before I lost it completely.

Embry stared back at me. In his arms was his daughter Grace and his wife Monique hung onto his arm. They were both staring at their daughter lovingly.

My tear blurred eyes found the next group of figures. It was Quil and Claire. She was still young. Quil held the hand of the five year old and smiled down at her tenderly. She stared back adoringly.

I held back the sobs that threatened to escape as I swiveled to look at the centre effigy. Sam and his two Emily's were there. My two friends held their daughter close to them and stared into each other's eyes. Emily's stomach was slightly rounded, hinting at the pregnancy she had announced just the week before she….died.

I couldn't help it. A small sob escaped my throat and I had to move away from the faces of my friends.

I was confronted by Jared and Kim. He was holding her from behind and kissing her cheek. She had a small smile on her face and her eyes were alight. I turned away from their very obvious love.

Only to find my father looking back at me. Charlie and Billy had been put together. They were laughing at some lame joke or a bad call in a game, just like they always had. But Charlie's marble eyes somehow found me. I fell to my knees and stared up at my dad. I knew who the next statue would be and I was scared. This would be it. The difference between holding on and letting go.

I took a deep breath and faced the opposite direction from where I had started. Jacob and Sam looked back at me. They weren't looking at one another. They were both looking towards the ocean expectantly. Searching. I understood immediately what they were searching for. I wasn't with them. I hadn't been carved into eternity with them.

Even though I may be made of something harder than granite and I was undead, I wasn't dead to them. They were waiting for me. And here I was. My tears had dried up and I studied every inch of that carving. I circled it again and again and then I noticed the inscription. I bent closer to read it even though I really didn't need to.

_Here Lies _

_Jacob William Black & Samuel Laine Black_

_Devotion. The strongest bond. Father & Son. May you play wolf forever._

_Rest In Peace._

It took me a moment to comprehend the meaning of the words, but when I did I bolted backwards, away from the statues. Back towards the cliffs. I had been walking on their graves. They were buried here. The tears returned full force and my knees gave out. I collapsed to the hard ground and pounded it with my fists. It cracked in some places.

I let my body mold its shape to that of the ground. I stared across the way at the semi circle of figures. Venom slowly leaked from my eyes and sizzled in the grass as the tears dropped from my face to the ground. I simply stared blankly at the figure of my child in my husband's arms. I didn't hear the footsteps.

"Isabella."

I jumped to my feet and turned to face the source of the voice. A man dressed in jean cut offs and nothing else faced me. His expression was worn and hard. His eyes showed no emotion.

Paul.

I took an involuntary step towards him. It had to be a dream. Everyone was dead. Everyone – wait.

My memories of that fateful day poured back in. Paul hadn't been at the party. He and Rachel had been in Florida on their honeymoon at the time. He was really alive.

I found my voice, "Paul?"

His lips turned up slightly at the corners, "Ah. You remember me after all. By the looks of things you remember a lot. So I'd appreciate it if you told me everything."

I stumbled over my words as I spilled out the whole story to him. He sat in stony silence as I recounted Samuel's birthday. By the time I was finished the sky was becoming lighter. It was almost morning. Paul was quiet. I was done.

He broke the silence first, "It's just how I thought," he said, "Except I knew you were alive. A lot of people around here were upset when I didn't put you in the tribute. But I knew you were alive. Your scent told me that much, even if I didn't know where you were."

I kept silent.

"Rachel and I came home to this. It was the worst day of my life. Ambulances, coroners, burned bodies," I flinched but he continued, "It was havoc and it took me at least an hour to ascertain who was actually dead and who was alive. By the time I had it figured out they were planning a mass funeral and talking about a gas explosion. Apparently you all were killed when the barbecue's propane tank exploded. They never could explain why you were all in the house though. It's not a mystery to me anymore."

He was silent again. Waiting for me to speak, maybe. I couldn't find my words. I slid to the ground with a moan. I couldn't keep living like this. I wished for death.

I buried my face in my hand and whispered, "It's all my fault. All my fault. I could have saved them."

Paul knelt beside me and spoke softly, "It's not your fault Bells. They were being idiots. They destroyed a whole generation over you, but it was their decision, Bella. They chose to love you and we don't give up on the ones we love."

I sobbed louder and Paul touched my shoulder lightly. What I needed was someone to hold me but I knew my stench was probably too great for even the stoic werewolf beside me. I tried desperately to rein in my emotions. Paul had removed his hand already. He had stood up and was staring up at Jacob and Samuel.

"I was angry with you at first, if that makes you feel any better. But I knew that those bloodsuckers had taken you for a reason and that there was no way the pack would have gone down without a fight. I lost my family, Bella, but so did you. You lost your world, and it wasn't even the first time it had happened to you."

Tears streaked quietly down my face as I listened to him speak. He was so understanding. What had happened to the over reactive, easily angered Paul I once knew?

He looked sideways at me with a sad smile and answered my unspoken question, "I spent a lot of time here carving these figures, Bella. It taught me a lot about patience, and a lot about misplaced anger. I learned to control myself. I only phase about once a year so I've started aging. I have a couple of kids now. Two boys. They will carry on our legacy, Bella."

I thought about that. It was true. The legacy of the Quileute wolves would live on through Paul's descendants. I had not killed them all. I was not a complete murderer. I smiled lightly at the thought.

Paul knelt down to look into my eyes. My contacts had dissolved long ago. Bright red stared back into his deep brown. I thought I saw him shudder a little.

"You can't stay here, Bella. You shouldn't even be on our land. You're lucky that I recognized you, or you wouldn't have stood a chance. You need to say goodbye. And never come back, at least not while I'm alive and you're a danger to our people."

I nodded silently. I completely understood. I turned to the last statue in the semi circle and stared up at the faces of my loves. They're features had been carved to perfection and their eyes no longer seemed to be searching, but accepting. I looked down at the ring on my left hand. I still wore my wedding band. I pulled it off gently and knelt to the ground in front of the figures. I pushed aside a few handfuls of dirt and placed the ring in the bottom of the small pit I had made. I covered it wordlessly and patted down the earth until it was perfectly even. I stood from my place on the ground and took one last look at my represented family, walked past Paul and began to run.

I got my car and drove straight out of town. I wouldn't go back. Ever. I had let go. I had let go of them. Jacob. And my Samuel.

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**A/N:** And there it is. I hope you liked it. As always suggestions are welcome. Check out my one shot story _Thinking of You_. Reviews are like chocolate, so click that little green button!


	19. Never Let Go

**A/N:** Don't murder me. I'm sorry this took so long but I have been extremely busy not to mention unsure as of how to continue this story. But here it is.

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine._

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**Chapter 18: Never Let Go**

_One year later_

I groaned delightedly as the hot water of my shower hit my cold skin. Spending every morning like this had become a habit for me and I was not about to forgo one of my only pleasures. I let my mind wander as I enjoyed the heating sensations rolling into my dead veins.

It had been a year since I had found this little piece of paradise. Tucked away in the mountains of Switzerland I had found this small cottage unoccupied. Upon questioning at the next town I had found the owner and offered him double its worth and proceeded to refurbish and renovate it slowly over the next few months. I hadn't left the place since then. Seven months alone in the wilderness was enough to make anyone think crazy thoughts. And lately I found myself thinking about going on another visit. To see the Cullens. Crazy.

I pushed the thought away again and attempted to focus on enjoying my shower again. If you could call it a shower. It was more like a hot spring waterfall. It was only about a mile from my cottage and too hot for humans to bother with. The view was amazing and it usually took me a while to leave the area because I was always too busy admiring the sheer beauty of it.

Today was different. I actually had a plan to read a new book today so I was eager to get back to my cozy little home. With this thought in the forefront of my mind I stepped quietly out of the small waterfall and turned to pick up my light sundress. If anyone saw me running around in it they'd probably think me insane. Maybe I was a little insane.

As I reached for the pile of cloth on a nearby rock I caught a whiff of an unmistakable scent. I spun quickly towards the south and came face to face with one of my worst nightmares.

Edward Cullen stood staring back at me.

My thought processes were severely disrupted as I met the molten eyes of my one true love. I didn't realize that he wasn't supposed to know where I was. That he wasn't supposed to be here. That I was completely naked.

Oh crap I was completely naked. I quickly grabbed up my dress and put it on in a hurry. If I was human I would have died of embarrassment. I would have been red as a tomato. I would have probably fainted in shock too. What the hell was Edward Cullen doing here?

I tried to get it together. Remain calm. That was the key. I turned back to my intruder and attempted to keep my face empty of all emotion. Not that it really mattered. He probably saw everything in my heart in the first second our eyes met.

His back was to me and he didn't look at all calm. I was unsure if I should leave or stay. I felt drawn to him. Over the last year my mind had been so full of Edward. I had so many questions for him. I wanted him to love me and hold me, even look at me like he used to. I wish he would just turn around.

"Edward?" My mouth spoke without my permission. I was embarrassed at the obvious longing in my tone.

He appeared to take a deep breath and he slowly turned back to face me. His face was almost empty of emotion, but there was a strange fire in his eyes. It was gone before I could identify it. He took a measured step towards me while his eyes flickered over my now clothed body. He seemed relieved that I was no longer naked, but I thought I also saw a flash of disappointment. He still hadn't spoken and I waited impatiently.

Finally, "Bella."

His voice was velvet, crushed velvet. I almost broke into sobs of ecstasy just hearing him speak my name. I loved him so much. And he would never love me. I felt tears fill my eyes as I contemplated this often thought of idea. He had moved on, told me to do the same. I had been a phase. I was no good for him. He didn't love me. He doesn't love me.

Against my better judgement one lonely tear trailed its burning path down my cheek. I couldn't take this crushing sensation. Even though I didn't need the oxygen, I felt like I was drowning, unable to breath. My long dead heart was in a tug-of-war. And I didn't know who I was cheering for.

On the one hand there was who I was with Jacob and Samuel. I had been a wife and a mother, happy to raise my family and live to ripe old age, only hoping that I hadn't imagined the Cullens. On the other hand I was still that 18 year old girl in love with a mythical creature. I was young, carefree and happy to just enjoy eternity with the one I loved. Love. I felt the teenage girl winning.

I hadn't been paying attention when I finally realized I was now kneeling on the ground. Edward was right in front of me. So close...

I reached out to touch his face without thinking. He didn't pull away and I allowed my fingers to trace ever so lightly along his face. I pulled away first. He opened his eyes to my own and he seemed to contemplate their golden colour for a moment. I watched his emotions stream across his face. Hate. Disappointment. Hope. Love. Determination.

Next thing I knew his lips were on mine and he was kissing me like he never had before. All other kisses and their memory were erased as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. For now it was enough for me to have him hold me, to act like he wanted me, because he was all I wanted.

He pulled away slightly to suck in a breath he didn't need and whispered, "I love you, Bella."

I froze in his arms, unsure that I heard him correctly.

And that's when I lost track of my daydream. I sighed dejectedly as I looked upwind and found no Edward. I really did turn and put on my dress this time. And then I began to walk slowly back to my little home and tried to shake off the false joy I had felt when dream-Edward told me he loved me.

Coming upon my quaint home among the hills, I found a strange car in my non-existent driveway next to the Vanquish. I proceeded with caution towards my front door. I could smell a refreshing vampire's scent in the air. Obviously deceiving if they had taken the time to break into my home. Not that I locked the doors. I stood reprimanding myself for my trust in humanity for a good 20 seconds before I heard my intruder clear their throat softly.

My head snapped up at the non-threatening sound to find – Esme? I pinched my granite skin unnoticed by her to prove to myself that I wasn't dreaming and my stand-in mother was really here. When she didn't disappear before me and I had convinced myself that I hadn't gone insane, I relaxed and smiled at the idea of her actually being there.

"Bella, I, um, I just, I..." She was lost for words. So was I.

So I stepped forward and wrapped my granite arms around her stone frame. She returned the embrace fiercely and held me for such a long time that I thought I might shed tears, something I hadn't done in quite a while and had learned how to control within the last year. She pulled away slowly and gazed at me with her molten eyes before opening her delicate lips to speak again.

"Bella, I needed to come and find you. Before it's too late. If ever you loved our family it is time to come home now. Scarlett has left us to live with the coven of her new mate, Kale. We are falling apart all over again. But there is a difference this time, we actually have you. Please, my daughter, please come home. Help me put our family back together again."

Way to be up front I suppose. I never could refuse Esme anything, and I felt myself giving in quite easily.

"Anything for you, mom."

And it was the truth. I never even considered the fact that Edward would be there, all I knew was that my family needed me and that since I couldn't save my human family there was no way I was going to let my vampire family die too. Esme smiled up at me and I knew I had done the right thing.

For the next hour we packed my bags and essentials, covered the furniture and secured the house from any intruders. I looked wistfully at my little cottage as I followed behind Esme's borrowed car. She had taken the Volvo and I refused to ride in it with her and leave the Vanquish behind. The car had become my baby and I didn't want to leave it behind, besides there were way too many memories just waiting to drag me under inside of Edward's car.

Soon the mountains were all but invisible and we were on the ferry across the English Channel. Out of the things I had seen in the past year I truly admired the city of London. I thought often of the Carlisle's origins here and wondered if those vampires still lived in the sewers. Kind of doubtful I suppose – we were able to hide ourselves well now.

Before I knew it I was pulling up in front of the Cullens' English house outside of Bosham. Lights glared into the night's darkness from every window in the house. The red door greeted me and no longer matched the colour of my eyes. I was still studying the door from afar when it was flung open and out of my line of vision. I barely had time to adjust to the change when a small shape flung itself at me with a loud squeal.

"BELLA! I KNEW YOU WERE COMING! I KNEW IT!"

I laughed at her conviction, "Of course you knew I was coming pixie – you are psychic."

"I knew even before you decided," she muttered from somewhere near my midriff, which she was still hanging on to.

"I'm not going anywhere, Alice, you can let go now."

She did as I asked, almost. She kept my hand and pulled me into the house, jabbering quickly about a shopping trip very soon. She eyed my sundress suspiciously. I had to smile at her direct attack on my wardrobe. No nancying around for Alice.

The house greeted me like a long lost friend. The lightness and openness that I had reflected in the decorating of my own cottage were still present. Pale figures greeted me in the living room. Carlisle stepped forward to greet me first.

`Welcome home, Bella. We are glad you came back to us," he whispered in my ear as he embraced me.

All of the Cullen's welcomed me back with loud exclamations of joy and loving hugs, but one was conspicuously absent. Edward was no where to be seen. Alice noticed me looking.

"He's gone hunting," she muttered.

"Oh," I pretended to be disinterested and my family politely pretended to believe me.

"Well, I guess I'll go unpack," I noticed that Alice was bouncing up and down excitedly again, "Yes, you can come, Alice, and Rosalie too if she wants to."

Rosalie nodded her beautiful head and followed us up the stairs. I found my room just as I had left it, not a speck of dust on the many things I had left behind. I sighed in contentment when my eyes fell upon the picture of the pack still resting on the wall beside my bed. I still missed them terribly and even though I no longer cried for them I did continue to yearn for the life I had known.

It's a funny thing really. Yearning. We can want for something with all of our heart and even though we know we can never have it, we still wish and dream. It seems that my life has been full of yearning since I was able to understand that there was something different about me. I yearned for a whole family. I wanted a mother who could take care of me for a change. I wanted to go back to Phoenix. I wished to be normal. I hoped that he would want me too. I yearned for immortality. I desperately dreamed that he would come back to me. I yearned to be completely happy with my new life with Jacob and Samuel. I wished for death.

It seems that we only get what we want in life for a little while and then it is taken from us. Perhaps this is why immortality goes against every teaching of a normal life. If immortality and real life have anything in common I kind of hope I don't live forever.

Alice was staring at me while Rosalie was already digging through the clothing I had brought with me and making two piles. She noticed me watching her and pointed out that one pile was for keeps and one was for donating to a local charity. While she and Alice jabbered on about a shopping trip tomorrow, Rosalie made the mistake of throwing Jake's sweater on the trash pile. I immediately darted forward and snatched it safely into my arms.

"Bella, the thing is hideous and is almost 20 times too big for you, it needs to go," Alice declared.

"No."

I stood my ground resolutely and they both looked at the sweater in my arms, obviously wondering what the big deal was. I figured I better tell them why I wanted to keep this particular item before one of them snuck into my room later and ripped it to shreds. Of course they might anyway. No, they wouldn't do that I chastised myself for even thinking ill of my sisters.

I sighed, "It was Jacob's. I can't let it go. And I ask you not to try and make me."

Both of their eyes were wide as they took in the meaning of the sweater. It was a few seconds before they nodded mutely and then continued to go through my clothes, not arguing when I snatched something out of their trash pile. We hung up all my surviving clothing or put it away in the drawers within the hour. Then we sat discussing my past year of travelling. I told them about the monument on La Push and they told me about Emmett's new obsession with reading romance novels. I told them about my short visit to the Volturi, mostly to see Felix, and they told me about the move they were planning to make within the next few months to India. We swapped stories until we ran out of tales to tell and were laughing ridiculously over a photo album of the family in the sixties – it was enough to make anyone pee their pants laughing – when there was a light knock on the door.

I called out a 'come in' without really thinking about it. Alice and Rose looked up at our visitor and I twisted around in my chair to see who it was. Oh crap. Edward.

I felt my dead heart skip a non-existent beat as I took in the glorious Greek god before me. I wanted to swoon at the sight of him like the silly teenage girl I had once been. He hadn't changed one bit. I don't know why I had expected him to. We were stuck after all.

I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't know what was appropriate, or even if he was here to see me or get one of the girls sitting frozen on my bed. They looked like deer caught in the headlights. We had been enjoying ourselves so much that we hadn't heard him come home. Edward raised one eyebrow at the girls, obviously reading the surprise in their thoughts. They must have taken the facial change in him as a sign to get out for whatever reason, because in one swift movement they had mumbled a quick see you later and were out the door. And I was alone with Edward. Crap.

"Bella," my name was like liquid honey from his lips, "Welcome back."

That's it? Ha. "Thank-you, Edward. I am so glad to be back. I hear we are moving to India soon."

He raised his eyebrow again at the plural in my sentence and I couldn't help noticing the golden colour of his eyes as he did so. He was speaking again and I tried to focus on his velvet tones.

" –indeed. Are you planning on joining us in India?"

"Um, I was considering it. I thought I might like to see some more mountains. I've always been fascinated by their cultures as well."

He smirked at my obvious little white lie, "Is that so?" he murmured quietly before an awkward silence finally descended on us.

He broke the silence first, "Why are you here?"

His tone wasn't rude, just curious. I still felt slightly offended and bristled automatically, "Because I want to be and our family wants me to be. Even if you don't want me, some people do."

The last part slipped out and immediately regretted the words. Dredging up ancient history wasn't the best way to become friends with Edward again. I watched his brow crinkle as he heaved an unnecessary sigh. I had upset him.

We didn't speak again for some minutes. He was seemed to be deep in thought and I wasn't about to burst the extremely awkward, tense bubble I had created. I watched his eyes grow slightly darker with his thoughts and trailed the path of his hand through his hair with my eyes. I took in every aspect of him with as much subtlety as I possessed, I even attempted to memorize his delicious scent which was much more appealing to me as vampire than it had ever been to me as a human. I wasn't really expecting him to speak anytime soon when he caught me off guard staring at his arms.

"I came back for you."

It took me a few moments to process what he had said. He continued to study the carpet and I was almost uncertain that he had actually spoken. Finally the meaning of his words set in.

"What?" My voice was quiet, vulnerable....weak.

"I came back for you," he repeated.

I was silent. I had no idea what he was talking about.

He sighed, "No one else knows, or I'm sure they would have told you. I came back for you. I was being selfish. I needed to see you, to see how you were. It was about three years after we left. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know. So I came back."

I was having a hard time comprehending him, "You...you came back?"

His eyes finally met my own, "Yes. And I saw them, Jacob and Samuel I mean. You were all having dinner at your dad's, there was a woman named Sue there, I think it was her birthday."

I remembered the evening well, it was just after our wedding and a few weeks before Sam was to turn one. Sue's request for her birthday had been a quiet family dinner with my 'infamous' cooking. We had happily obliged and spent an evening in laughter and love. It was one of the few nights when Edward had never crossed my mind. How ironic that he had been there.

I looked up again to find Edward studying my face. He took a steadying breath.

"I saw that you had really moved on. You were in love. You were married," He looked down to my ring finger and seemed puzzled not to find my wedding band there but continued, "and you had a beautiful family. Your son was a miniature of his father, but he looked like you too, I could see that. The way his chin was set when he pouted for more cake was all you. I remember Charlie grinning about it."

Tears began to fall down my face. So many emotions were taking over me. I wasn't sure whether I was happy, angry, sad...I couldn't grasp the fact that he had come back for me and then had let me go again because he thought I was I happy. Knew I was happy.

He couldn't have possibly known that deep down inside I had never given up on our love. Could he?

I looked into his eyes again, my own swimming in liquid venom. No he still doubted. I could see it there in his eyes. I would make him lose that doubt. I sent a quick prayer to the ones I loved and pressed my lips against his.

In an instant my world was on fire and he was holding me, never letting go. And I knew that he would never let go again.

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**A/N: **Well there it is. I am desperately sorry to all of you who waited so long for me to post this. I love you all for being such loyal fans. I am thinking of the epilogue now as I write this note. Hopefully it won't be too far behind. As you wait please think of suggestions for me to write about! And even though I may not deserve it please click that little green button.


	20. Epilogue

_Disclaimer: I only wish they were mine._

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**Epilogue**

_100 hundred years later_

Living for eternity may be over rated in movies and books, but in real life it so beautiful. To watch the world change around you while you remain the same is a strange feeling, and sometimes you wish to be human again. But then you look at the face of the one you love and cannot imagine not living forever.

Edward was all I ever needed. I knew that now. And even though I had been given everything I needed, I came to understand that I had been given much more. I had been given so much family, I had also felt the loss of them, but it was enough that I had had them.

I miss Samuel and Jacob every day. They were my loves and I shall never forget them. Their memory never fades or dims, sometimes it leaves for a while, but it always comes back to me, sharp and clear as ever. I will never forget how they healed my heart and how they made me feel whole and human again.

There are some things that will never heal. I still often remember the pain of Edward leaving, of losing my family, but then there is so much in this world to look forward to and I know that I cannot live in the past. I must move forward to survive. To live. To love.

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**A/N:** Thank you to all of those who stuck with me. I hope you enjoyed this story and I look forward to your ideas for a new story!


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